Preface
I know, I know, the term “preface” is generally used to introduce the concept and background of a book. But in the spirit of the title of this one, The Physics of Funnyness, let’s spin this a bit. In Zen teachings, a Koan is a story, dialogue, question or statement used in practice to test a student’s progress. Here’s a favorite Zen Koan: “Show me your original face when you were born.”
There’s your Pre-face.
Just as all super-heroes have cool origin stories, so does this volume you’re holding. If I’m going to share my favorite jokes with you, and create a narrative around them about why laughter is truly the body and soul’s best natural medicine, I’ve got to explain where they came from. Or in my case, who. That guy is my own personal super-hero named Victor.
I know you just “met” me – and I’m grateful you picked up the book – so let’s start with a cool tale that will warm your heart and inspire you to start laughing as I did that red letter evening back in 1997.
It was a crisp autumn night (okay, it was freezing like winter!) in Northern Michigan. God’s country – or maybe the abominable snowman’s. Arctic Circle. Santa’s crib. You get the idea. I was feeling refreshed after an evening group Meditation at Song of the Morning Ranch. That’s not an old cowboy campfire tune, it’s a spiritual retreat center. As part of my journey of self discovery, I was a full time staff member. I was there for spiritual enlightenment, a high state of bliss, but I also wanted to laugh – and they didn’t let us watch “Friends.”
It’s a fascinating tale, how I went from a pre-med/aspiring doctor to physicist/recluse to a monk/yogi determined to find God. But let’s save that till later – or another blog, book or reality show. I’m here to tell you how I met the world’s funkiest jokeologist. Not a thing, you say? A term I made up? Humor me!
The good news? This twisted, fateful, fun and painful journey has led me to writing this hopefully humor-ful and laughter inspiring book you’re reading. I’m going to share a wild confluence of teachings and experiences in five acts.
But back to that night…
I had this Déjà vu experience. Something was happening that felt like it happened before. Oh wait, never mind, that’s just the last sentence.
Victor, paging Victor…
Victor Steinman is no longer with us physically, but he’s with me in spirit every day and I’m grateful for the time I had with him. Back then, he was a fellow staff member and my best friend. Were were joking around one night after our nightly meditation (yes, you’ll find out I think spiritual folks sometimes need to let loose and laugh more!). He was telling a few new jokes. Victor always had a joke or two that he would “test out” on the staff members – the less stuffy ones, anyway. Yep, this included me. So that night – did I mention it was chilly? – I cornered him. “Hey, where do you get all your jokes?” He said he’d been collecting jokes for years. He led me to his tiny 4’x4’ cubicle/room (good size for a boatload of jokes, small for a normal sized human) and pulled out a folder with pages and pages of notes. It was like the Holy Grail of comedy. Could we find God through laughter? I told Victor I wanted to learn all these jokes and record the funniest ones. Reluctantly he agreed. So he took his notes and we sat downstairs in the frigid staff break room with no one to disturb us. I was on my way to understanding The Physics of Funnyness!
There’s your Pre-face.
Just as all super-heroes have cool origin stories, so does this volume you’re holding. If I’m going to share my favorite jokes with you, and create a narrative around them about why laughter is truly the body and soul’s best natural medicine, I’ve got to explain where they came from. Or in my case, who. That guy is my own personal super-hero named Victor.
I know you just “met” me – and I’m grateful you picked up the book – so let’s start with a cool tale that will warm your heart and inspire you to start laughing as I did that red letter evening back in 1997.
It was a crisp autumn night (okay, it was freezing like winter!) in Northern Michigan. God’s country – or maybe the abominable snowman’s. Arctic Circle. Santa’s crib. You get the idea. I was feeling refreshed after an evening group Meditation at Song of the Morning Ranch. That’s not an old cowboy campfire tune, it’s a spiritual retreat center. As part of my journey of self discovery, I was a full time staff member. I was there for spiritual enlightenment, a high state of bliss, but I also wanted to laugh – and they didn’t let us watch “Friends.”
It’s a fascinating tale, how I went from a pre-med/aspiring doctor to physicist/recluse to a monk/yogi determined to find God. But let’s save that till later – or another blog, book or reality show. I’m here to tell you how I met the world’s funkiest jokeologist. Not a thing, you say? A term I made up? Humor me!
The good news? This twisted, fateful, fun and painful journey has led me to writing this hopefully humor-ful and laughter inspiring book you’re reading. I’m going to share a wild confluence of teachings and experiences in five acts.
But back to that night…
I had this Déjà vu experience. Something was happening that felt like it happened before. Oh wait, never mind, that’s just the last sentence.
Victor, paging Victor…
Victor Steinman is no longer with us physically, but he’s with me in spirit every day and I’m grateful for the time I had with him. Back then, he was a fellow staff member and my best friend. Were were joking around one night after our nightly meditation (yes, you’ll find out I think spiritual folks sometimes need to let loose and laugh more!). He was telling a few new jokes. Victor always had a joke or two that he would “test out” on the staff members – the less stuffy ones, anyway. Yep, this included me. So that night – did I mention it was chilly? – I cornered him. “Hey, where do you get all your jokes?” He said he’d been collecting jokes for years. He led me to his tiny 4’x4’ cubicle/room (good size for a boatload of jokes, small for a normal sized human) and pulled out a folder with pages and pages of notes. It was like the Holy Grail of comedy. Could we find God through laughter? I told Victor I wanted to learn all these jokes and record the funniest ones. Reluctantly he agreed. So he took his notes and we sat downstairs in the frigid staff break room with no one to disturb us. I was on my way to understanding The Physics of Funnyness!
- Victor was a character and a big inspiration in my life. So here’s a little aside:
- Taxi Driver (not as crazy as DeNiro in the movie, I promise!)
- Loved people.
- Loved telling jokes. To those people (and his fares).
- One of the best Scrabble players in the U.S. Competed nationally.
- A top Master at Chess (Think Bobby Fischer without the insanity!)
- Loved words and puzzles, but nothing more than jokes.
- Did work-study retreats at Song of the Morning often.
Exhibit B
OK, back to that night. I brought down a piece of Song of the Morning watermarked paper and listened and took notes. Believe it or not, I found that piece of paper (front side shown below – but there was a back, too). OK so it’s not the famous napkin John Lennon scribbled the lyrics to “Imagine” on, but…as you can see, it’s filled with shorthand notes front and back, the dictation and distillation of probably over a several hundred jokes.
Figure 1: Front side of the Notes (What you see is mainly punch lines; I would write the full jokes later. All by hand. Electronic free. Super primitive. If it weren’t for old school, there’d be no school. You get the gist.)
Sure, I had been interested in jokes and laughter since I was a kid, but this was my breakthrough. I began actively recording jokes and studying humor. Why do we need it? How does it help us grow, evolve, survive? I mean, who doesn’t want to be funny? Who doesn’t wish they could be the “Last Comic Standing”? If you saw all those notes, you would have probably asked to hear them all, too. I was instantly addicted. Think about it. It was like going to the library (in the pre-Google days, of course) and checking out every joke book in the card catalog (haha, just thought I’d include an archaic reference!). And then recording only the funniest jokes.
Who needed a library? Who needed Google? I had Victor! He distilled dozens of joke books into the funniest ones and recorded those. That’s the purpose of this book. Victor Steinman passed away from cancer in 2001, but his spirit remains strong as the spark that led to this book. I have continued the labor of searching and finding the best “Clean” jokes on the planet that are low risk, funny, inoffensive, politically correct and certified Dolphin safe. If late greats like Lenny Bruce, George Carlin and Richard Pryor are more your thing you might want to try another book. I’m keeping things family friendly.
Here’s a challenge for you: Begin your own joke and humor journal. Start with what you consider to be the funniest jokes in this book. Steal, plagiarize away - you have my permission. Victor gave me his blessing and you have mine! But I made many of these jokes my own by uniquely adapting them to my own life experience (I’ll get to that). I challenge you to incorporate humor into your life more and more and even write a book yourself one day.
Now I’ve got something to dangle before you. You’ve read my prose, I’ve laid the foundation, so now here’s a taste of the good stuff. Here’s a random sample of 21 of the jokes in those notes I took from Victor. Let the laughter begin…and we’re not even into the official Introduction!
Figure 2 (Below): Back side of the Notes (What you see is mainly punchlines, I would write the full jokes later).
Figure 1: Front side of the Notes (What you see is mainly punch lines; I would write the full jokes later. All by hand. Electronic free. Super primitive. If it weren’t for old school, there’d be no school. You get the gist.)
Sure, I had been interested in jokes and laughter since I was a kid, but this was my breakthrough. I began actively recording jokes and studying humor. Why do we need it? How does it help us grow, evolve, survive? I mean, who doesn’t want to be funny? Who doesn’t wish they could be the “Last Comic Standing”? If you saw all those notes, you would have probably asked to hear them all, too. I was instantly addicted. Think about it. It was like going to the library (in the pre-Google days, of course) and checking out every joke book in the card catalog (haha, just thought I’d include an archaic reference!). And then recording only the funniest jokes.
Who needed a library? Who needed Google? I had Victor! He distilled dozens of joke books into the funniest ones and recorded those. That’s the purpose of this book. Victor Steinman passed away from cancer in 2001, but his spirit remains strong as the spark that led to this book. I have continued the labor of searching and finding the best “Clean” jokes on the planet that are low risk, funny, inoffensive, politically correct and certified Dolphin safe. If late greats like Lenny Bruce, George Carlin and Richard Pryor are more your thing you might want to try another book. I’m keeping things family friendly.
Here’s a challenge for you: Begin your own joke and humor journal. Start with what you consider to be the funniest jokes in this book. Steal, plagiarize away - you have my permission. Victor gave me his blessing and you have mine! But I made many of these jokes my own by uniquely adapting them to my own life experience (I’ll get to that). I challenge you to incorporate humor into your life more and more and even write a book yourself one day.
Now I’ve got something to dangle before you. You’ve read my prose, I’ve laid the foundation, so now here’s a taste of the good stuff. Here’s a random sample of 21 of the jokes in those notes I took from Victor. Let the laughter begin…and we’re not even into the official Introduction!
Figure 2 (Below): Back side of the Notes (What you see is mainly punchlines, I would write the full jokes later).
Exhibit M
#1 One day, while I was petting a Shetland Pony at the zoo, a friend of mine asked, "How are you today?." I responded, "I'm feeling a little hoarse."
#2 Q: Why couldn't the Shetland pony sing?
A: Because his voice was a little hoarse!!!
#3 Who is the coldest relative?
A: Aunt Artica
#4 What did the Father Buffalo say when his boy left home?
A: Bi-son
#5 Where is another mention of insurance in the Bible?
A: When David gave Goliath a piece of the rock.
#6 Q: Where does bad light go?
A: To a prism.
#7 What do Eskimos use to keep there houses together?
A: Ig-glue
#8 What do you get when you cross a sparrow with a rhino?
A: A lot of broken telephone wires.
#9 What do you get when you cross a goose with a rhino?
A: Something that honks before it runs you over.
#10 What’s Eternal Love?
A: Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis
# 11 Where do sheep get their haircut?
A: In a Ba Ba Shop
#12 You know in the Bible it says not to covet they neighbors wife? What about the women two doors down?
#13 What did Eve say when she saw a leaf blowing?
A: Ooh Look, the invisible man.
#14 So bill gates insulted someone one day and the person replied:
A: At least I am not micro-soft.
#15 A hippopotamus went to the psychiatrist office for a visit. A week later his wife was shocked to have received a bill for $700. The hippo explained, “$100 was for the visit and $600 for the couch I broke.
#16 First: Hey, look way off over there. What's that?
Second: Wow, smoke signals!
First: What do they say?
Second: Help ... my ... blankets ... on ... fire!
#17 Adam was lonely in the garden of Eden and asked God, “I want a companion” and God said, “That will cost you an arm and a leg. And Adam replied, “What can I get for a rib?”
#18 How does an alligator use a phone?
A: Crocodiles
#19 In Florida they use alligators to make handbags. Isn’t it amazing what they can get animals to do?
#2 Q: Why couldn't the Shetland pony sing?
A: Because his voice was a little hoarse!!!
#3 Who is the coldest relative?
A: Aunt Artica
#4 What did the Father Buffalo say when his boy left home?
A: Bi-son
#5 Where is another mention of insurance in the Bible?
A: When David gave Goliath a piece of the rock.
#6 Q: Where does bad light go?
A: To a prism.
#7 What do Eskimos use to keep there houses together?
A: Ig-glue
#8 What do you get when you cross a sparrow with a rhino?
A: A lot of broken telephone wires.
#9 What do you get when you cross a goose with a rhino?
A: Something that honks before it runs you over.
#10 What’s Eternal Love?
A: Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis
# 11 Where do sheep get their haircut?
A: In a Ba Ba Shop
#12 You know in the Bible it says not to covet they neighbors wife? What about the women two doors down?
#13 What did Eve say when she saw a leaf blowing?
A: Ooh Look, the invisible man.
#14 So bill gates insulted someone one day and the person replied:
A: At least I am not micro-soft.
#15 A hippopotamus went to the psychiatrist office for a visit. A week later his wife was shocked to have received a bill for $700. The hippo explained, “$100 was for the visit and $600 for the couch I broke.
#16 First: Hey, look way off over there. What's that?
Second: Wow, smoke signals!
First: What do they say?
Second: Help ... my ... blankets ... on ... fire!
#17 Adam was lonely in the garden of Eden and asked God, “I want a companion” and God said, “That will cost you an arm and a leg. And Adam replied, “What can I get for a rib?”
#18 How does an alligator use a phone?
A: Crocodiles
#19 In Florida they use alligators to make handbags. Isn’t it amazing what they can get animals to do?
Other Influences and Ways I have used Humor in my Life
Okay, now that I’ve gotten your funny bone’s attention, back to the prose for a minute. Stay awake!
After those sit downs with Victor, I compiled my first joke book "HA!" which you can find nowhere (not Now Here) but don't worry, all the best jokes are in this current book (and MANY more). The cool part was, after writing that book, I started humorizing my life and added humor to more and more situations and circumstances. Is that a word? Humorizing? Humorosity? Humorology? Hmm…
Point is, this book is all about H-U-M-O-R and how to humorize your life by incorporating humor into the main areas, which I will introduce in the next chapter. This “Laugh Lab” is personalized to my own experiences - but ultimately you'll want to tailor it to your own life by getting your own material. Where to find inspiration? Everyday life! Remember, we live in a material world to get more material. If you're a tailor, you have a lot of material, so you have an advantage. Comedy is just tragedy spun around. Laugh and live longer, I always say.
You’re going to be a first hand witness to the power that humor can have in your life as I share how it’s impacted mine.
The Physics of Funnyness contains 400 jokes, but it’s not just another joke book. Nor is it a dry research volume on the well-researched benefits of humor and laughter, though it has some of that (feel free to skip the dry and boring stuff if you’re only here to laugh!). You’ll see…and you’ll laugh!
Ok, I hope that I wasn't too FOREWORD with you here, but let me start now with the real Intro-DUCK-Shun.
After those sit downs with Victor, I compiled my first joke book "HA!" which you can find nowhere (not Now Here) but don't worry, all the best jokes are in this current book (and MANY more). The cool part was, after writing that book, I started humorizing my life and added humor to more and more situations and circumstances. Is that a word? Humorizing? Humorosity? Humorology? Hmm…
Point is, this book is all about H-U-M-O-R and how to humorize your life by incorporating humor into the main areas, which I will introduce in the next chapter. This “Laugh Lab” is personalized to my own experiences - but ultimately you'll want to tailor it to your own life by getting your own material. Where to find inspiration? Everyday life! Remember, we live in a material world to get more material. If you're a tailor, you have a lot of material, so you have an advantage. Comedy is just tragedy spun around. Laugh and live longer, I always say.
You’re going to be a first hand witness to the power that humor can have in your life as I share how it’s impacted mine.
The Physics of Funnyness contains 400 jokes, but it’s not just another joke book. Nor is it a dry research volume on the well-researched benefits of humor and laughter, though it has some of that (feel free to skip the dry and boring stuff if you’re only here to laugh!). You’ll see…and you’ll laugh!
Ok, I hope that I wasn't too FOREWORD with you here, but let me start now with the real Intro-DUCK-Shun.
