"You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing."--Michael Pritchard
“Laughter is a form of jogging of the innards”
- Norman Cousins
A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.
Henry Ward Beecher
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.
Flip Wilson
“Good Humor is the Health of the Soul”
Lord Chesterfield
“Laughter is a form of jogging of the innards”
- Norman Cousins
A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.
Henry Ward Beecher
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.
Flip Wilson
“Good Humor is the Health of the Soul”
Lord Chesterfield
H = Health
NOTE: Maybe add a bit more of a story about Norman Cousins and Patch Adams (humor as medicine).
OK, now to recap H-U-M-O-R in all areas of life. I want to make sure you’re paying attention, so here’s the breakdown once again, brought to you in glorious stream of consciousness, jazzy improvisational text.
Gimme an H! Gimme a U, Gimme an M…Go Team! (Cue funny marching band fight song…)
Gimme an H! Gimme a U, Gimme an M…Go Team! (Cue funny marching band fight song…)
To Recap H-U-M-O-R in all the areas of life.
H= Health/Fitness
U = YOU! Get used to making fun of yourself.
M= Meditation/Mindset/Spirituality
O= Occupation/Work/Relationships
R= Recreation/Recess/Relationships
We’ve arrived (ta-da!) at the chapter with the H in Humor - for your HEALTH. This is my big chance to share some examples of how I used humor in my 4-5 years working at health food stores (granola is comedy!), doing lectures on health, nutritional counseling, writing articles for a leading health magazine AND hosting my OWN TV show (that shouldn’t be in caps, I’m just trying to get Oprah’s attention!) on health called Forever Young. (Even if I’m no longer forever young, but that’s a gripe for another book!) Most importantly, I’ll be like a surrogate Patch Adams to help you laugh more and live longer and pain free. If you have an existing health problem, Vitamin L (laughter) is the best medicine. I’ll share some research to prove my point.
My vision is to start a new movement across the globe. And to do your duty, you must have at least two to three movements a day to maintain regular hilarity! Wait, did you think I meant…?
If you don’t do this, then we advise taking a good Laughsative (okay, maybe I did mean it!) so you can prevent constant impatience. If that does not work, try listening to Beethoven’s second movement (his #2 symphony) and that should put you at peace. See, there are all kinds of movements, some that require listening, some…pushing!
But seriously! When I started using humor more and began collecting jokes living at a yoga retreat center, I realized I actually needed to start working. Having a Bachelors degree in Physics was not the wisest decision for a major – though it beat my original choices, Art Appreciation, 17th Century English Poetry and Underwater Basket Weaving - so I decided to look into graduate school. I began preparing for grad school, but I was still living near Song of the Morning and needed immediate work.
Multi-tasking like crazy, I found a job at a local health food store AND started writing articles for one of the largest alternative magazines in Michigan (at the time) called the Healing Garden Journal. I knew I could write about healing gardens, I just had to find them! I took a playful and humorous approach to my articles which readers enjoyed…I found I could be funny AND informative at the same time (like I think this book is!).
In this chapter, I will share with you a few examples of the titles of these articles.
Looks like I was running for mayor of Punsville USA! You can get a glimpse of the opportunities for humor using those titles.
H= Health/Fitness
U = YOU! Get used to making fun of yourself.
M= Meditation/Mindset/Spirituality
O= Occupation/Work/Relationships
R= Recreation/Recess/Relationships
We’ve arrived (ta-da!) at the chapter with the H in Humor - for your HEALTH. This is my big chance to share some examples of how I used humor in my 4-5 years working at health food stores (granola is comedy!), doing lectures on health, nutritional counseling, writing articles for a leading health magazine AND hosting my OWN TV show (that shouldn’t be in caps, I’m just trying to get Oprah’s attention!) on health called Forever Young. (Even if I’m no longer forever young, but that’s a gripe for another book!) Most importantly, I’ll be like a surrogate Patch Adams to help you laugh more and live longer and pain free. If you have an existing health problem, Vitamin L (laughter) is the best medicine. I’ll share some research to prove my point.
My vision is to start a new movement across the globe. And to do your duty, you must have at least two to three movements a day to maintain regular hilarity! Wait, did you think I meant…?
If you don’t do this, then we advise taking a good Laughsative (okay, maybe I did mean it!) so you can prevent constant impatience. If that does not work, try listening to Beethoven’s second movement (his #2 symphony) and that should put you at peace. See, there are all kinds of movements, some that require listening, some…pushing!
But seriously! When I started using humor more and began collecting jokes living at a yoga retreat center, I realized I actually needed to start working. Having a Bachelors degree in Physics was not the wisest decision for a major – though it beat my original choices, Art Appreciation, 17th Century English Poetry and Underwater Basket Weaving - so I decided to look into graduate school. I began preparing for grad school, but I was still living near Song of the Morning and needed immediate work.
Multi-tasking like crazy, I found a job at a local health food store AND started writing articles for one of the largest alternative magazines in Michigan (at the time) called the Healing Garden Journal. I knew I could write about healing gardens, I just had to find them! I took a playful and humorous approach to my articles which readers enjoyed…I found I could be funny AND informative at the same time (like I think this book is!).
In this chapter, I will share with you a few examples of the titles of these articles.
Looks like I was running for mayor of Punsville USA! You can get a glimpse of the opportunities for humor using those titles.
Smirk Manual (riffing on The Merck Manual, the world’s top selling medical textbook)
Whatever happened to preparations A-G? (Hey, someone has to make hemorrhoids funny!)
Indigestion Jones in the Temple of Montezuma’s Revenge (movie titles are always fun to create parodies with!)
Sugarless Holmes/Homes and the Case of the Baskin Robbers (An elementary, rocky road!)
The McMatrix (think of a Keanu Reeves as a Happy Meal)
It's a bird, its a plane, no it's spirulina (Look that one up yourself!)
Let it Bee, Let it Bee Pollen (I think I could write a whole book of scientific puns involving Beatles songs!)
Wheatgrass Miracle on 34th Street (Just in time for Christmas!)
How Peter Pan lost his Youth in Jiff (Why don’t choosey moms choose Peter?)
The Breatharian Buffet (A smorgasbord for those who think they don’t need it!)
Tyger and Rebounding (I can’t think of anything witty for this one, sorry!)
And Many Others
You’re in luck. I will share the first two articles I mention with you here (making some commentary that wasn’t there the first time for your chuckling and dining pleasure). The others – I know you’re dying to read those too – you can find on my site Humor.ink.
When I wrote these articles, I would always BEGIN by brainstorming jokes and one-liners for the topic. Below is my first Master Brainstorming Sheet.
I would write all these humorous one liners, research the topic and put it all together in a FUN and Informative way usually with a master theme. My guiding philosophy was DON’T BE BORING!
I will share the first two here, and the others you can find on my website
When I wrote these articles, I would always BEGIN by brainstorming jokes and one-liners for the topic. Below is my first Master Brainstorming Sheet.
I would write all these humorous one liners, research the topic and put it all together in a FUN and Informative way usually with a master theme.
Those are just a few examples…You’ll see how I used some of those in my articles below!
Whatever happened to preparations A-G? (Hey, someone has to make hemorrhoids funny!)
Indigestion Jones in the Temple of Montezuma’s Revenge (movie titles are always fun to create parodies with!)
Sugarless Holmes/Homes and the Case of the Baskin Robbers (An elementary, rocky road!)
The McMatrix (think of a Keanu Reeves as a Happy Meal)
It's a bird, its a plane, no it's spirulina (Look that one up yourself!)
Let it Bee, Let it Bee Pollen (I think I could write a whole book of scientific puns involving Beatles songs!)
Wheatgrass Miracle on 34th Street (Just in time for Christmas!)
How Peter Pan lost his Youth in Jiff (Why don’t choosey moms choose Peter?)
The Breatharian Buffet (A smorgasbord for those who think they don’t need it!)
Tyger and Rebounding (I can’t think of anything witty for this one, sorry!)
And Many Others
You’re in luck. I will share the first two articles I mention with you here (making some commentary that wasn’t there the first time for your chuckling and dining pleasure). The others – I know you’re dying to read those too – you can find on my site Humor.ink.
When I wrote these articles, I would always BEGIN by brainstorming jokes and one-liners for the topic. Below is my first Master Brainstorming Sheet.
I would write all these humorous one liners, research the topic and put it all together in a FUN and Informative way usually with a master theme. My guiding philosophy was DON’T BE BORING!
I will share the first two here, and the others you can find on my website
When I wrote these articles, I would always BEGIN by brainstorming jokes and one-liners for the topic. Below is my first Master Brainstorming Sheet.
I would write all these humorous one liners, research the topic and put it all together in a FUN and Informative way usually with a master theme.
Those are just a few examples…You’ll see how I used some of those in my articles below!
Brainstorming Page of Mine for My First Articles
In Case You Can't Read This Here are Some Example One-Liners...
Some thoughts for food
Don't insalt your body (cut down on salt, especially processed salt).
Eating Salads will Give you a New Leaf on Life
Start De-ciding, that is decide to remove pesti-cides, herbi-cides, funga-cides, etc... Today!
Organic Transplant, Throw away all non-organic food and buy ONLY organic (and non GMO)
You're Grounded! Get connected to the earth
Smoothy Sailing - Life is easy when you have a nutritious morning smoothy.
Beware of the FPI (Food Processing Industry) - They use Artificial Intelligence (AI) in their food.. Articifical colors, artificial flavors, artificial preservatives, additives... a lot of artificial sh!#
Preparation H20 - The best solution for your health because it will solvent all your problems
Don't Get Down on Your Dumps ==> Be a Regular Kind of Guy
Don't Cut the Cheese and Prune the Refined Flours (avoid bread and cheese).
Macroroni-biotic cooking - too much bread and cheese products (pizza, sandwich with cheese, macroni and cheese,etc.
Drop Aciddophilus in your belly
Are you overworked and under-played
Water - drink your problems away
Don't get irritated, get irrigated (drink more water)
Exercise your rights (and your lefts too)
Exercise is a breath of fresh air
Exercise gets you pooped out (its a great natural cathartic)
Be a lymphomaniac - keep your lymph health (skin brushing, rebounding, whole body vibration, massage, drink plenty of water, deep breathing, exercise)
Strechers don't need stretchers (benefits of stretching/yoga)
Supplemental health insurance (invest in good supplements to insure you'll stay healthy).
Just a few examples... You'll see how I use some of those in my articles below...
Some thoughts for food
Don't insalt your body (cut down on salt, especially processed salt).
Eating Salads will Give you a New Leaf on Life
Start De-ciding, that is decide to remove pesti-cides, herbi-cides, funga-cides, etc... Today!
Organic Transplant, Throw away all non-organic food and buy ONLY organic (and non GMO)
You're Grounded! Get connected to the earth
Smoothy Sailing - Life is easy when you have a nutritious morning smoothy.
Beware of the FPI (Food Processing Industry) - They use Artificial Intelligence (AI) in their food.. Articifical colors, artificial flavors, artificial preservatives, additives... a lot of artificial sh!#
Preparation H20 - The best solution for your health because it will solvent all your problems
Don't Get Down on Your Dumps ==> Be a Regular Kind of Guy
Don't Cut the Cheese and Prune the Refined Flours (avoid bread and cheese).
Macroroni-biotic cooking - too much bread and cheese products (pizza, sandwich with cheese, macroni and cheese,etc.
Drop Aciddophilus in your belly
Are you overworked and under-played
Water - drink your problems away
Don't get irritated, get irrigated (drink more water)
Exercise your rights (and your lefts too)
Exercise is a breath of fresh air
Exercise gets you pooped out (its a great natural cathartic)
Be a lymphomaniac - keep your lymph health (skin brushing, rebounding, whole body vibration, massage, drink plenty of water, deep breathing, exercise)
Strechers don't need stretchers (benefits of stretching/yoga)
Supplemental health insurance (invest in good supplements to insure you'll stay healthy).
Just a few examples... You'll see how I use some of those in my articles below...
Exhibit #1 - Laughter as Medication
As an example of how to educate and “humorate” (another humor based word I just invented!) at the same time, I want to share with you two articles that are fun, funny, and informative. Speaking of my new word “humorate,” it reminds me of a joke.
What did Zero say to number Eight?
Sigh
“Nice belt.”
To humorate is to add humor to something (think: Crystal light laughing powder!). I hope it catches on, because laughter CAN be very contagious!
The First is my article on laughter as medicine that serves the dual purpose of providing an example on how to “humorize” an article (while offering useful, or at least, not terribly useless, information) AND teaching you how laughter is the “jest” medicine with research to prove it!
What did Zero say to number Eight?
Sigh
“Nice belt.”
To humorate is to add humor to something (think: Crystal light laughing powder!). I hope it catches on, because laughter CAN be very contagious!
The First is my article on laughter as medicine that serves the dual purpose of providing an example on how to “humorize” an article (while offering useful, or at least, not terribly useless, information) AND teaching you how laughter is the “jest” medicine with research to prove it!
The Smirk Manual - Your Definitive Guide To How You Can Die Laughing and Live Longer!
Hold the Mayo Clinic (Using Laughter as Medicine)
By Dr. Jester Chuckle Guffawitz, M.D., D.O., B.O., B.S., E.I.E.I.O, C.O.M.E.D.Y
Welcome to Hold the Mayo Clinic, where our motto is “If you die laughing, you’ll live longer.” Our trick-or-treatment is simpler. Use laughter to trick the patients into forgetting they had a serious disease, and treat-mint is to treat them with lots of mints so they always maintain fresh breath while telling jokes. (I’ll think of an Altoids or Tic Tac joke later). We believe that man has a material body (to get more material) and a humor body that laughs at the material. Life is one big anecdote, the Universe one big fat cosmic joke generator! First, our patients learn the theory of humor, then they put it into practice.
We have them study a text used by all our doctors called The Red Skeleton Key to Understanding the Anatomy of the Humors (but first they must master counting to 100 and coloring within the one-liners). A master document in crack-making. This beautiful text pictorially shows the origins of laughter in the human body. Central to this connect the joke, off-coloring book is the Greek theory of the four humors. Studying these bodily humors (yellow bile, black bile or melancholia, phlegm, and George Burns) gives our patients a good sense of humor (actually blood is the fourth humor, not George Burns). The book also carefully draws the all the funny bones, the jocular vein, the jestive system and jestive tract, the fib-ula, the funny bone, the humerus bone (that’s the upper arm, which some medicine man naming it apparently thought was hilarious!), plus more (crayons not included)!
Our Doctors here also use the Smerck Manuel, which is the world’s authoritative text for diagnosing serious diseases. In fact, Seriousness is the only disease listed so as you can image it’s more of a pamphlet then a book. Butt, behind its simplicity it ends up actually describing the severity of your seriousness. Seriosity is the worst ailment you can have in an increasingly dark world! If the patient maintains their current level of diagnosed seriousness, the Smerck Manual gives a prognosis on how long the patient will have until he or she is dead serious. Or Yahoo Serious! (Another lame-o 80’s reference, forgive me!)
Once diagnosed, treatment consists of practical jokes, put-downs, tickle-tortures, nuggies and snuggies, whoopee (Goldberg!) cushions, one-liners, funny movies, live comedy, plus more. Patients also practice laughter meditation (culminating in a spiritual experience where the patients start yakking in puns like yours truly!), re-mirthing, Ha-ha yoga, deep belly-laughing, and supplements to restore irony deficiencies. Irony deficiency is a serious matter which requires not just one doctor but a Paradox. We also perform a state-of-the-art surgery that leaves all of our patients in stitches. A strict diet is followed consisting of (fortified) Snickers©, Chuckles©, and Laffy Taffy©. Candy oozes comedy!
We don’t let our patients take their serious problems sitting down; they must do stand-up the whole time here. There are no chairs, no beds and the floors are carefully guarded (standing rooms only). This discipline encourages sleep deprivation, which has a funny way of bringing out the giggles. Delirium is funny! They also travel around the country doing stand-up, which is part of their road to recovery. Unless they get tomatoes thrown at them, in which case they might need treatment later!
By Dr. Jester Chuckle Guffawitz, M.D., D.O., B.O., B.S., E.I.E.I.O, C.O.M.E.D.Y
Welcome to Hold the Mayo Clinic, where our motto is “If you die laughing, you’ll live longer.” Our trick-or-treatment is simpler. Use laughter to trick the patients into forgetting they had a serious disease, and treat-mint is to treat them with lots of mints so they always maintain fresh breath while telling jokes. (I’ll think of an Altoids or Tic Tac joke later). We believe that man has a material body (to get more material) and a humor body that laughs at the material. Life is one big anecdote, the Universe one big fat cosmic joke generator! First, our patients learn the theory of humor, then they put it into practice.
We have them study a text used by all our doctors called The Red Skeleton Key to Understanding the Anatomy of the Humors (but first they must master counting to 100 and coloring within the one-liners). A master document in crack-making. This beautiful text pictorially shows the origins of laughter in the human body. Central to this connect the joke, off-coloring book is the Greek theory of the four humors. Studying these bodily humors (yellow bile, black bile or melancholia, phlegm, and George Burns) gives our patients a good sense of humor (actually blood is the fourth humor, not George Burns). The book also carefully draws the all the funny bones, the jocular vein, the jestive system and jestive tract, the fib-ula, the funny bone, the humerus bone (that’s the upper arm, which some medicine man naming it apparently thought was hilarious!), plus more (crayons not included)!
Our Doctors here also use the Smerck Manuel, which is the world’s authoritative text for diagnosing serious diseases. In fact, Seriousness is the only disease listed so as you can image it’s more of a pamphlet then a book. Butt, behind its simplicity it ends up actually describing the severity of your seriousness. Seriosity is the worst ailment you can have in an increasingly dark world! If the patient maintains their current level of diagnosed seriousness, the Smerck Manual gives a prognosis on how long the patient will have until he or she is dead serious. Or Yahoo Serious! (Another lame-o 80’s reference, forgive me!)
Once diagnosed, treatment consists of practical jokes, put-downs, tickle-tortures, nuggies and snuggies, whoopee (Goldberg!) cushions, one-liners, funny movies, live comedy, plus more. Patients also practice laughter meditation (culminating in a spiritual experience where the patients start yakking in puns like yours truly!), re-mirthing, Ha-ha yoga, deep belly-laughing, and supplements to restore irony deficiencies. Irony deficiency is a serious matter which requires not just one doctor but a Paradox. We also perform a state-of-the-art surgery that leaves all of our patients in stitches. A strict diet is followed consisting of (fortified) Snickers©, Chuckles©, and Laffy Taffy©. Candy oozes comedy!
We don’t let our patients take their serious problems sitting down; they must do stand-up the whole time here. There are no chairs, no beds and the floors are carefully guarded (standing rooms only). This discipline encourages sleep deprivation, which has a funny way of bringing out the giggles. Delirium is funny! They also travel around the country doing stand-up, which is part of their road to recovery. Unless they get tomatoes thrown at them, in which case they might need treatment later!
Research Proves Laughter is The Jest Medicine
I know you are saying to yourself, “Get serious, you Bozos, laughter can’t possible cure every serious disease like say, the hiccups, hang-nails, gassiness, chapped lips, nose and ear hair, and chronic foot odor.” Well, those are serious gross-outs indeed, but research suggests that laughter can cure even those (except chronic foot odor which there seems to be no cure).
Proof That Laughter Heals (Not on Dogs though)
OK, now for some good news, all crack-making aside…Modern medical research has shown that laughter has at least seven specific physiological benefits that involve the central nervous, muscular, respiratory, circulatory, endocrine, immune, and cardiovascular systems. Dr William Fry (oooh, it’s tempting to riff on his name but that’s the one he came with!) from Stanford University has shown that laughter triggers the release of catecholamine and other neurotransmitters that are needed for alertness, memory and overall mental functioning. Next, a good belly-laugh requires the coordinated movement of 15 facial muscles, plus the stimulation of other skeletal muscles, especially the chest and abdominal muscles. Research has even shown that the muscles of the gastrointestinal tract are affected so that digestion rate is improved. In addition to the exercise effects, there are muscle relaxation effects that occur during and after laughter. This can break up the spasm-pain cycle some people frequently experience with neuralgias (including fibromyalgia) and rheumatisms.
Respiration is also improved. According to Dr. Fry’s research, a laugh disrupts the normal cyclic breathing pattern, increases ventilation, clears mucous from the chest (and maybe they’ll re-manifest as boogers!). It also increases oxygen uptake, and may help conditions such as emphysema, pneumonia and other bronchial infections. Next, laughter benefits the heart and circulation. Like aerobic activity, laughter initially produces an increase in heart rate (HR) and blood pressure, which exercises the myocardium. Dr. Fry claims that several minutes of intense laughter produces results similar to those of exercising on a rowing machine or stationary bicycle for 10-15 minutes. So stop wasting your time at the gym and just giggle a little more! This laughter, like aerobic exercise produces endorphins (this is what creates a runner’s high). This effect has been shown to strengthen the heart and even help cardiac rehabilitation patients. Laughter also helps to decrease stress hormones, which again protects the heart and boosts the immune system. When it comes to the immune system, laughter has been shown to boost IgA, NKA (Natural Killer Activity), T-cell ratio, IgG, B-cells, IgM, GM, HBO and IBM (just checking to see if you’re paying attention, I know this is pretty dry stuff!). Put simply, laughter boosts your immune system so you won’t get sick. And finally, laughter decreases pain threshold and tolerance.
It’s worth mentioning the story of political journalist and world peace advocate Norman Cousins who used humor to help heal ankylosing spondylitis (severe collagen disease where connective tissue of the spine and joints disintegrates). He was given a 1 in 500 chance of recovery. So Cousins surrounded himself with humor books and started watching films of The Three Stooges and Marx Brothers. Better living through the healing powers of Moe, Curly, Larry, Groucho, Chico and Harpo! Wise guy rehab! Duck Soup rejuvenation! Yuk yuk yuk to get rid of the yuk yuk yucky illness!
Cousins improvised a therapeutic humor regime. It decreased his pain and helped him sleep easier without medication. He recounted that “10 minutes of genuine belly laughter had an anesthetic effect and would give me at least two hours of pain free sleep.” When he awoke and felt pain again, he turned on the films again. He continued this “humor therapy” and witnessed gradual improvement. After a few weeks, the doctors found that his connective tissue in his joints was regenerating. According to Cousins, he used laughter to heal himself, leading to his total recovery from the disease. He also took megadoses of vitamin C which may have also helped – but that’s sort of inconvenient for this narrative I’m trying to build. So let’s just say laughter is a healer – and the Stooges and Marx Brothers are dead so they can’t send a bill!
Now for the punchline: IF YOU WANT TO LIVE, TO REALLY LIVE, THEN DIE LAUGHING EVERY DAY. ONCE YOU DIE LAUGHING, YOU WILL GO STRAIGHT TO HEALTH (AND EXPERIENCE THE LEAVEN OF HEAVEN ON EARTH!)
- Berk L.S., Tan, S.A., Berk, D.B., & Eby, W.C. (1991). Immune system changes associated with laughing, Clinical Research, 39, 124 A.
- Cousins, N. (1976). Anatomy of an illness (as perceived by the patient). New England Journal of Medicine, 295, 1458-1463.
- Cousins, N. (1979). Anatomy of an illness as perceived by the patient. New York: W.W. Norton.
- Fry, W.F., & Rader, C. (1977). "The respiratory components of mirthful laughter." The Journal of Biological Psychology, 19, 39-50.
- Fry, W.F. Jr., (1994). The Biology of Humor. HUMOR: International Journal of Humor Research, 7, 111-126.
(Yeah, you’re really going to check those footnotes! I could so easily make stuff up - but trust me, I’m not!)
Bottom Line: Laughter makes you healthier, fitter than a Stradivarius, and smarter from a purely physiological point of view. Now, that’s powerful stuff!
Think about it for a minute. This research (and the super cool footnotes I could post below it!) is not about subjective experiences or humorous dogma, but ACTUAL physiological responses that can be measured, tested and proven. And we are talking about research being done at STANFORD, JOHNS HOPKINS and other reputable learning institutions! (I’m using CAPS because those are top universities; if I got anything from the junior college down the street I would use lower case!) Booyah!!
Proof That Laughter Heals (Not on Dogs though)
OK, now for some good news, all crack-making aside…Modern medical research has shown that laughter has at least seven specific physiological benefits that involve the central nervous, muscular, respiratory, circulatory, endocrine, immune, and cardiovascular systems. Dr William Fry (oooh, it’s tempting to riff on his name but that’s the one he came with!) from Stanford University has shown that laughter triggers the release of catecholamine and other neurotransmitters that are needed for alertness, memory and overall mental functioning. Next, a good belly-laugh requires the coordinated movement of 15 facial muscles, plus the stimulation of other skeletal muscles, especially the chest and abdominal muscles. Research has even shown that the muscles of the gastrointestinal tract are affected so that digestion rate is improved. In addition to the exercise effects, there are muscle relaxation effects that occur during and after laughter. This can break up the spasm-pain cycle some people frequently experience with neuralgias (including fibromyalgia) and rheumatisms.
Respiration is also improved. According to Dr. Fry’s research, a laugh disrupts the normal cyclic breathing pattern, increases ventilation, clears mucous from the chest (and maybe they’ll re-manifest as boogers!). It also increases oxygen uptake, and may help conditions such as emphysema, pneumonia and other bronchial infections. Next, laughter benefits the heart and circulation. Like aerobic activity, laughter initially produces an increase in heart rate (HR) and blood pressure, which exercises the myocardium. Dr. Fry claims that several minutes of intense laughter produces results similar to those of exercising on a rowing machine or stationary bicycle for 10-15 minutes. So stop wasting your time at the gym and just giggle a little more! This laughter, like aerobic exercise produces endorphins (this is what creates a runner’s high). This effect has been shown to strengthen the heart and even help cardiac rehabilitation patients. Laughter also helps to decrease stress hormones, which again protects the heart and boosts the immune system. When it comes to the immune system, laughter has been shown to boost IgA, NKA (Natural Killer Activity), T-cell ratio, IgG, B-cells, IgM, GM, HBO and IBM (just checking to see if you’re paying attention, I know this is pretty dry stuff!). Put simply, laughter boosts your immune system so you won’t get sick. And finally, laughter decreases pain threshold and tolerance.
It’s worth mentioning the story of political journalist and world peace advocate Norman Cousins who used humor to help heal ankylosing spondylitis (severe collagen disease where connective tissue of the spine and joints disintegrates). He was given a 1 in 500 chance of recovery. So Cousins surrounded himself with humor books and started watching films of The Three Stooges and Marx Brothers. Better living through the healing powers of Moe, Curly, Larry, Groucho, Chico and Harpo! Wise guy rehab! Duck Soup rejuvenation! Yuk yuk yuk to get rid of the yuk yuk yucky illness!
Cousins improvised a therapeutic humor regime. It decreased his pain and helped him sleep easier without medication. He recounted that “10 minutes of genuine belly laughter had an anesthetic effect and would give me at least two hours of pain free sleep.” When he awoke and felt pain again, he turned on the films again. He continued this “humor therapy” and witnessed gradual improvement. After a few weeks, the doctors found that his connective tissue in his joints was regenerating. According to Cousins, he used laughter to heal himself, leading to his total recovery from the disease. He also took megadoses of vitamin C which may have also helped – but that’s sort of inconvenient for this narrative I’m trying to build. So let’s just say laughter is a healer – and the Stooges and Marx Brothers are dead so they can’t send a bill!
Now for the punchline: IF YOU WANT TO LIVE, TO REALLY LIVE, THEN DIE LAUGHING EVERY DAY. ONCE YOU DIE LAUGHING, YOU WILL GO STRAIGHT TO HEALTH (AND EXPERIENCE THE LEAVEN OF HEAVEN ON EARTH!)
- Berk L.S., Tan, S.A., Berk, D.B., & Eby, W.C. (1991). Immune system changes associated with laughing, Clinical Research, 39, 124 A.
- Cousins, N. (1976). Anatomy of an illness (as perceived by the patient). New England Journal of Medicine, 295, 1458-1463.
- Cousins, N. (1979). Anatomy of an illness as perceived by the patient. New York: W.W. Norton.
- Fry, W.F., & Rader, C. (1977). "The respiratory components of mirthful laughter." The Journal of Biological Psychology, 19, 39-50.
- Fry, W.F. Jr., (1994). The Biology of Humor. HUMOR: International Journal of Humor Research, 7, 111-126.
(Yeah, you’re really going to check those footnotes! I could so easily make stuff up - but trust me, I’m not!)
Bottom Line: Laughter makes you healthier, fitter than a Stradivarius, and smarter from a purely physiological point of view. Now, that’s powerful stuff!
Think about it for a minute. This research (and the super cool footnotes I could post below it!) is not about subjective experiences or humorous dogma, but ACTUAL physiological responses that can be measured, tested and proven. And we are talking about research being done at STANFORD, JOHNS HOPKINS and other reputable learning institutions! (I’m using CAPS because those are top universities; if I got anything from the junior college down the street I would use lower case!) Booyah!!
Exhibit #2 - Literally Exhibit Number Two
“Whatever
happened to preparations A-G?” Which I will share in full below just so you can
see another example of how to incorporate humor creatively into printed
material (articles, books, brochures, etc.). It makes anything more fun to read
when it’s actually FUN to read. This is why having a large database of jokes is
such a treasure. You have a vast laugh reservoir to creatively apply to whatever
business or profession or hobby you are into.
What I did was take a joke by George Carlin "Whatever Happened to Preparations A-G?” and turned that punchline into an informative article which received great feedback and helped a lot of people to become "a regular kind of guy (or gal).”
What I did was take a joke by George Carlin "Whatever Happened to Preparations A-G?” and turned that punchline into an informative article which received great feedback and helped a lot of people to become "a regular kind of guy (or gal).”
What ever happened to preparations A-G?
What ever happened to preparations A-G?
The Lost Rolls of Colon Health
Did you know that the average American has three to four bowel movements a week? Ooh, how delightful, you say! Fun fact! Did you also know that America leads the world in colon/rectal cancer and this cancer is the fastest growing form of cancer? (Not so fun fact). The doctors usually recommend surgery for any diseases related to the colon. But who wants to end up with a semicolon? This just ain’t good Body English. It’s not even Bad English (late 80s pop/rock supergroup).
A recent archeological discovery shows us there is another way out. We’ve all heard of Preparation H, but whatever happened to preparations A-G? Well, they just found hidden beneath the Great Sphincter the Lost Rolls of Colon Health. This is the greatest discovery since the Dead Sea Scrolls! These extra-soft double ply papers were thought to have been wiped out during WWII. Preparation H was all that survived and it is a very incomplete formula.
OK, if you haven’t yawned today, the following may help you, but it’s important stuff so check it out:
Preparation A is acidophilous and other beneficial bacteria. These “good guys” or intestinal flora reside in your gut and play in integral role in digestion, assimilation, production of vitamins and immune system support. They also keep the Candida Albicans (hear their new hit single here!) fungus in a healthy balance. Now, if you have ANY history of using antibiotics or if you eat a high sugar diet, then it is recommended that you take a good probiotic supplement supplying several billion good bacteria (I recommend PB 8). So start dropping acidophilus (into your belly) and you will feel high, and well cultured.
Preparation B is Bentonite, and other herbs that pull encrusted fecal matter (which I call crustaceans) out of your colon. (Try talking about this on a first date, it’s a way to break the ice!) The average person has about ten pounds of fecal matter that is cemented to the inside of their colons. (Also great first date fodder!) This results in constipation (Latin root meaning constant patient) and autointoxication. Bentonite is electrically charged to remove the “crustaceans”. Other herbs that help are marshmallow root, slippery elm, activated charcoal and fiber (See preparation F). So remove the crustaceans before they harden and clam up you up. They are like barnacles that cling to your colon and make it hard for your ship to move. So if you have Ben-tonite, you’ll be able to go tomorrow.
Preparation C is Casacara Sagrada (it’s on the wine list!), Senna, Aloe Vera, and other herbs that increase regularity. It is so important not to get down on your dumps. Having three bowel movements a day is one of the most important ingredients for good health. Fill up the bowl! Casacara sagrada is probably the most powerful natural laxative and it is non-addictive. It contains a compound called imodin that stimulates peristalsis (the wave-like rhythm in your colon). Take as much of these herbs and fibers as is needed to compose three movements a day. Maybe that’s how Mason Williams wrote “Classical Gas”!!
Preparation D is the Diet. A high fiber, low cholesterol diet is recommended by the American Cancer Society, and the American Heart Association to greatly lower your risk of heart disease and cancer. Foods that are high in fiber basically include all fruits, vegetables, whole grains, sprouts, beans, legumes, seeds and nuts. Meat and dairy products are high in cholesterol and have NO FIBER! These foods clog our pipes and drain our energy. Another case in point is that the casein protein found in dairy (especially cheese) makes one of the strongest wood glues known to man. Also the lactose sugar in milk and cheese is hard to break down and can produce gas or “dairy air” in the colon. The other colon stopper is white flour, known by the alias WHEAT FLOUR. WHEAT FLOUR IS WHITE FLOUR. It must say 100% Whole Wheat. So in summary, try to cut the cheese (as opposed to cutting the toast) and prune the refined flours.
Preparation E is Exercise. Cardiovascular exercise is a great cathartic, because it gets you pooped out. It literally stimulates motion in the colon so you can be a regular kind of guy. So move your butt if you want good movements. Hatha yoga (especially inverted poses) is also wonderful for toning and strengthening the colon. If you say your yoga class was crappy, in this case, it might be a compliment!
Preparation F is Fiber. Fiber is one of the most important supplements we can take to create a healthy colon. At least 30 grams a day is recommended. I feel that flax and apple pectin are the two best fibers, but psyllium is also good (just be sure to take psyllium with a lot of water on an empty stomach). Also try oat bran as a hot cereal. It is higher in protein, fiber and nutrients than regular oatmeal. So Flax your Pectin to pump up your bowel muscles and pump out the waste. Your next trip to the toilet may be a great adventure now that you know all this!
Preparation G is GO! This means when you got to GO, for your health’s sake, go! We Americans have trained our colons to stop moving. One of the reasons is that from an early age we have been taught that pooping is dirty and improper. The other reason is that bathrooms are becoming more inaccessible or we are just too busy to go. This has resulted in a country full of nervous rectums. Which leads to a truly crapped out case of bunghole fever!
Finally, Preparation H was incorrectly translated. It should have been preparation H, I, J, K, L, M, O. This is known cryptically as H to O or H20 – WATER! Indeed, water is the best solution to any colon problem. Drink half your body weight in ounces a day (one gallon = 128 ounces) of distilled or reverse osmosis water.
So, after that crappy sermon, now you know the true path to keeping a healthy and clean colon. If you follow these eight commandments, you may go through purge-atory, but in the end you will regularly take your seat on the pearly throne of health. But if you break these commandments, then the bowels of your health will be eternally damned up. Talk about a Holy S**!
The Lost Rolls of Colon Health
Did you know that the average American has three to four bowel movements a week? Ooh, how delightful, you say! Fun fact! Did you also know that America leads the world in colon/rectal cancer and this cancer is the fastest growing form of cancer? (Not so fun fact). The doctors usually recommend surgery for any diseases related to the colon. But who wants to end up with a semicolon? This just ain’t good Body English. It’s not even Bad English (late 80s pop/rock supergroup).
A recent archeological discovery shows us there is another way out. We’ve all heard of Preparation H, but whatever happened to preparations A-G? Well, they just found hidden beneath the Great Sphincter the Lost Rolls of Colon Health. This is the greatest discovery since the Dead Sea Scrolls! These extra-soft double ply papers were thought to have been wiped out during WWII. Preparation H was all that survived and it is a very incomplete formula.
OK, if you haven’t yawned today, the following may help you, but it’s important stuff so check it out:
Preparation A is acidophilous and other beneficial bacteria. These “good guys” or intestinal flora reside in your gut and play in integral role in digestion, assimilation, production of vitamins and immune system support. They also keep the Candida Albicans (hear their new hit single here!) fungus in a healthy balance. Now, if you have ANY history of using antibiotics or if you eat a high sugar diet, then it is recommended that you take a good probiotic supplement supplying several billion good bacteria (I recommend PB 8). So start dropping acidophilus (into your belly) and you will feel high, and well cultured.
Preparation B is Bentonite, and other herbs that pull encrusted fecal matter (which I call crustaceans) out of your colon. (Try talking about this on a first date, it’s a way to break the ice!) The average person has about ten pounds of fecal matter that is cemented to the inside of their colons. (Also great first date fodder!) This results in constipation (Latin root meaning constant patient) and autointoxication. Bentonite is electrically charged to remove the “crustaceans”. Other herbs that help are marshmallow root, slippery elm, activated charcoal and fiber (See preparation F). So remove the crustaceans before they harden and clam up you up. They are like barnacles that cling to your colon and make it hard for your ship to move. So if you have Ben-tonite, you’ll be able to go tomorrow.
Preparation C is Casacara Sagrada (it’s on the wine list!), Senna, Aloe Vera, and other herbs that increase regularity. It is so important not to get down on your dumps. Having three bowel movements a day is one of the most important ingredients for good health. Fill up the bowl! Casacara sagrada is probably the most powerful natural laxative and it is non-addictive. It contains a compound called imodin that stimulates peristalsis (the wave-like rhythm in your colon). Take as much of these herbs and fibers as is needed to compose three movements a day. Maybe that’s how Mason Williams wrote “Classical Gas”!!
Preparation D is the Diet. A high fiber, low cholesterol diet is recommended by the American Cancer Society, and the American Heart Association to greatly lower your risk of heart disease and cancer. Foods that are high in fiber basically include all fruits, vegetables, whole grains, sprouts, beans, legumes, seeds and nuts. Meat and dairy products are high in cholesterol and have NO FIBER! These foods clog our pipes and drain our energy. Another case in point is that the casein protein found in dairy (especially cheese) makes one of the strongest wood glues known to man. Also the lactose sugar in milk and cheese is hard to break down and can produce gas or “dairy air” in the colon. The other colon stopper is white flour, known by the alias WHEAT FLOUR. WHEAT FLOUR IS WHITE FLOUR. It must say 100% Whole Wheat. So in summary, try to cut the cheese (as opposed to cutting the toast) and prune the refined flours.
Preparation E is Exercise. Cardiovascular exercise is a great cathartic, because it gets you pooped out. It literally stimulates motion in the colon so you can be a regular kind of guy. So move your butt if you want good movements. Hatha yoga (especially inverted poses) is also wonderful for toning and strengthening the colon. If you say your yoga class was crappy, in this case, it might be a compliment!
Preparation F is Fiber. Fiber is one of the most important supplements we can take to create a healthy colon. At least 30 grams a day is recommended. I feel that flax and apple pectin are the two best fibers, but psyllium is also good (just be sure to take psyllium with a lot of water on an empty stomach). Also try oat bran as a hot cereal. It is higher in protein, fiber and nutrients than regular oatmeal. So Flax your Pectin to pump up your bowel muscles and pump out the waste. Your next trip to the toilet may be a great adventure now that you know all this!
Preparation G is GO! This means when you got to GO, for your health’s sake, go! We Americans have trained our colons to stop moving. One of the reasons is that from an early age we have been taught that pooping is dirty and improper. The other reason is that bathrooms are becoming more inaccessible or we are just too busy to go. This has resulted in a country full of nervous rectums. Which leads to a truly crapped out case of bunghole fever!
Finally, Preparation H was incorrectly translated. It should have been preparation H, I, J, K, L, M, O. This is known cryptically as H to O or H20 – WATER! Indeed, water is the best solution to any colon problem. Drink half your body weight in ounces a day (one gallon = 128 ounces) of distilled or reverse osmosis water.
So, after that crappy sermon, now you know the true path to keeping a healthy and clean colon. If you follow these eight commandments, you may go through purge-atory, but in the end you will regularly take your seat on the pearly throne of health. But if you break these commandments, then the bowels of your health will be eternally damned up. Talk about a Holy S**!
The Fun Continues - Health Show and More
I also incorporated a playful and fun writing style for my first book Love it or Lose it.
That’s the brilliant volume I wrote that no one read, so I’m bringing some elements of it back now because some of it holds up! A couple of years later, I started hosting Forever Young in West Michigan. We shot over 40 episodes and tried to incorporate humor into many of them. We didn’t want to risk FCC crackdowns (key word, crack!) so I didn’t read the Preparation article on the air!
Finally, my destiny arrived when I started to become successful marketing health and wellness products. After trying 50 mlm companies and being marginally successful in two (Mannatech and Freelife Goji), I was introduced to a colon cleanse called the 3 Day So Easy Cleanse (see www.3daycleanse.com). With me, the intestinal joy never ends…
First off, my initials are B.M. (Bryant Meyers). Secondly my numerology number is TWO and Uranus is in my midheaven in my chart (considered a powerful position in your chart). Who named that planet anyway? Some astronomer trying to get us to laugh, right?
Unfortunately it was square or opposed to just about all the other planets (except Jupiter). On top of that, it’s in the house that rules your profession in life and the sign is Aries. I don't know if you know this, but Aries sounds like air but it’s actually fire... And My Uranus is in THAT. I heard somebody say “Burn baby Burn…”
But it was in my cards. Resistance was futile! I have the number 2 in spades, though sometimes it feels like clubs “on the river.”
This 3 day colon cleanse really did work for me and hundreds of others I personally worked with. Needless to say, I had a field day incorporating humor into my pitch for a colon cleanse. But seriously, a good colon cleanse is VERY healing.
That’s the brilliant volume I wrote that no one read, so I’m bringing some elements of it back now because some of it holds up! A couple of years later, I started hosting Forever Young in West Michigan. We shot over 40 episodes and tried to incorporate humor into many of them. We didn’t want to risk FCC crackdowns (key word, crack!) so I didn’t read the Preparation article on the air!
Finally, my destiny arrived when I started to become successful marketing health and wellness products. After trying 50 mlm companies and being marginally successful in two (Mannatech and Freelife Goji), I was introduced to a colon cleanse called the 3 Day So Easy Cleanse (see www.3daycleanse.com). With me, the intestinal joy never ends…
First off, my initials are B.M. (Bryant Meyers). Secondly my numerology number is TWO and Uranus is in my midheaven in my chart (considered a powerful position in your chart). Who named that planet anyway? Some astronomer trying to get us to laugh, right?
Unfortunately it was square or opposed to just about all the other planets (except Jupiter). On top of that, it’s in the house that rules your profession in life and the sign is Aries. I don't know if you know this, but Aries sounds like air but it’s actually fire... And My Uranus is in THAT. I heard somebody say “Burn baby Burn…”
But it was in my cards. Resistance was futile! I have the number 2 in spades, though sometimes it feels like clubs “on the river.”
This 3 day colon cleanse really did work for me and hundreds of others I personally worked with. Needless to say, I had a field day incorporating humor into my pitch for a colon cleanse. But seriously, a good colon cleanse is VERY healing.
***For Example, Here is a Funny Sample email I sent to about 100 close friends - Interestingly, IT GOT ME A LOT OF SALES!!!
Caveat - These were friends that knew me and my sense of humor, use humor cautiously under the guidance of a Stand Up Comic.
(NOT SURE IF I AM GOING TO ADD THIS)
Hello {Firstname}
Are you constipated and pooped out? Are you tired of being down on your dumps? Are you a nervous rectum, looking to peace on everything.
If so you need to listen closely...
Here is my sermon on the mount speech that will flush out the brown demons and remove bad body English (and B.O. too)forever...Bad body English is what the doctors do to make your colon a semicolon.
Sermon on the Mount:
If you do not do this 3 day colon cleanse, the bowels of your health will be Eternally dammed up.
This is the mother load, the holy grail of removing that "big brown noodle" in your tummy. That's right, you have one too. Poke your belly like the Pillsbury doe boy and you'll hear it giggle back.
For a limited time we are selling the 3 day cleanse for $130. But for you, its $200 ---just kidding, the total with with shipping and handling and bad jokes is ....drum roll
$130 ....that's it. For only $43 a day (just a little more than the price of a gallon of Starbucks coffee) you can let go of "The Mother Load", "The Big Enchilada", or what natural doctors call "Aunt Gertrudes Fudge brownies". Though it has been called the mucous plaque or mucoid plaque by some.
Imagine what you would pay for an intensive 30 day cleanse at the Hippocrates Institute...just to get that damn thing out....probably $3000+++ when its all said and done..And they don't guarantee a big crap like I will.
I am so sure that you will have the biggest dump of your life that I am offering a double your crap back guarantee. If you are not happy, just scoop up your disappointment and express mail it to me and I will happily return DOUBLE your crap...no strings attached, no questions asked...
Hey what do you have to lose except perhaps a big pile of shite.
If you act fast I will include a pack of fresh undies and bathroom wall protection tarp.
If the cost is still too much, try this affirmation:
Everything I eat turns to money and my drawers are full of cash!
O.K. seriously,
The system includes three boxes, one for each day. You basically drink wheatgrass morning and night and three delicious shakes during the day. Honestly (no crap) they are good...Chocolate, strawberry and cereal. They are very thick and when I did it I had good energy and was not hungry...no harsh herbs, no bentonite, no enemas, no colonics
JUST THE MUCOID PLAQUE......BABY!
I went to the bathroom on the fourth day, but no embarrassing stains or squirts the first three days...So carry a digital camera with you in case it happens "out of shop".
I will be starting an online photo gallery. If you could hold it up and smile like those fishing pictures, that would be great.
My guts are great, but I did take a heavy dose of probiotic afterward which seemed to help, but I am not sure it is necessary.
Well, if your rear end is backed up, this is the best insurance I know.
I plan on doing this twice a year, and no more colonics for me, they are a pain in the ass anyway AND this works better!
So relax, drink delicious shakes and "the package" will be delivered and it will certainly be a big splash. Happy crapping!
Here's to taking a load off!
Bombs Away
B.M. (Bryant Meyers)
1313 Big Dump Drive
Flushing, NY 90120
phone: 1-800-590-6979
website: www.3daycleanse.com
P.S.
Remember, sometimes life's a crap shoot, and when it hits the fan, make sure you're prepared.
Are you constipated and pooped out? Are you tired of being down on your dumps? Are you a nervous rectum, looking to peace on everything.
If so you need to listen closely...
Here is my sermon on the mount speech that will flush out the brown demons and remove bad body English (and B.O. too)forever...Bad body English is what the doctors do to make your colon a semicolon.
Sermon on the Mount:
If you do not do this 3 day colon cleanse, the bowels of your health will be Eternally dammed up.
This is the mother load, the holy grail of removing that "big brown noodle" in your tummy. That's right, you have one too. Poke your belly like the Pillsbury doe boy and you'll hear it giggle back.
For a limited time we are selling the 3 day cleanse for $130. But for you, its $200 ---just kidding, the total with with shipping and handling and bad jokes is ....drum roll
$130 ....that's it. For only $43 a day (just a little more than the price of a gallon of Starbucks coffee) you can let go of "The Mother Load", "The Big Enchilada", or what natural doctors call "Aunt Gertrudes Fudge brownies". Though it has been called the mucous plaque or mucoid plaque by some.
Imagine what you would pay for an intensive 30 day cleanse at the Hippocrates Institute...just to get that damn thing out....probably $3000+++ when its all said and done..And they don't guarantee a big crap like I will.
I am so sure that you will have the biggest dump of your life that I am offering a double your crap back guarantee. If you are not happy, just scoop up your disappointment and express mail it to me and I will happily return DOUBLE your crap...no strings attached, no questions asked...
Hey what do you have to lose except perhaps a big pile of shite.
If you act fast I will include a pack of fresh undies and bathroom wall protection tarp.
If the cost is still too much, try this affirmation:
Everything I eat turns to money and my drawers are full of cash!
O.K. seriously,
The system includes three boxes, one for each day. You basically drink wheatgrass morning and night and three delicious shakes during the day. Honestly (no crap) they are good...Chocolate, strawberry and cereal. They are very thick and when I did it I had good energy and was not hungry...no harsh herbs, no bentonite, no enemas, no colonics
JUST THE MUCOID PLAQUE......BABY!
I went to the bathroom on the fourth day, but no embarrassing stains or squirts the first three days...So carry a digital camera with you in case it happens "out of shop".
I will be starting an online photo gallery. If you could hold it up and smile like those fishing pictures, that would be great.
My guts are great, but I did take a heavy dose of probiotic afterward which seemed to help, but I am not sure it is necessary.
Well, if your rear end is backed up, this is the best insurance I know.
I plan on doing this twice a year, and no more colonics for me, they are a pain in the ass anyway AND this works better!
So relax, drink delicious shakes and "the package" will be delivered and it will certainly be a big splash. Happy crapping!
Here's to taking a load off!
Bombs Away
B.M. (Bryant Meyers)
1313 Big Dump Drive
Flushing, NY 90120
phone: 1-800-590-6979
website: www.3daycleanse.com
P.S.
Remember, sometimes life's a crap shoot, and when it hits the fan, make sure you're prepared.
Learn 1000 Jokes and Laugh
I’m not done with the colon obsession just yet! One of my health and wellness mentors, Dr Richard Schultze was also BIG on colon cleansing and well known for curing incurable patients. These were people that were basically told to go home and die. (Ain’t nothing funny about that!) He developed a comprehensive program to reverse disease called his "incurables program" AND along with herbal remedies he developed, it contained the mandatory items I am about to list for you! You could only work with Dr Schultze if you were committed to follow the plan. He had no tolerance for excuses and sympathy. He would say sympathy never gets people well – it’s between sh!# and syphallis in the dictionary. I checked! It is!
Here is his 20 step program - and NOTICE number 17. This is one of the reasons I am incorporating 1000 jokes in this book. He would have his patients learn a lot of jokes and do a stand-up comedy night where everyone shared their favorites. I added a few extras to bring the total to 28.
That reminds me of a joke about a new organization "Overachievers Anonymous". They have a 28 step program!
And if YOU ARE sick, make sure to look into the other 27 as well. Laughter is the best medicine, but when you heal your body on many different levels, a great synergy happens. That reminds me of a joke (because everything reminds me of a joke)!:
Having sex on an elevator is wrong on so many levels!
(but notice its #18 on Dr Schultze’s list).
1) Pure water - half your body weight in ounces a day (at least)
2) Pure Fresh Juice - 1 quart everyday (buy a juicer)
3) Eat a clean, healthy and organic diet
4) Eat more live, raw foods (not live animals, though!)
5) Elimination (do a colon cleanse)
6) 5 day cleansing and detoxification program (kidney and liver cleanses)
7) Start walking and breathe more
8) Move more, sweat everyday (invest in a sauna, or move in with me in Florida!)
9) Hot and cold hydrotherapy
10) Wear only cotton and natural fibers
11) Use all natural soap, shampoo, cleaners, detergents and toothpaste.
12) Stop watching TV, especially the news (or minimize greatly). No reality shows translates to more brain cells!
13) Throw away or get rid of 1/3 of what you own.
14) Start loving yourself and your life (use positive affirmations)
15) Express yourself and get more creative (music, art, poetry, comedy, etc)
16) Help someone everyday
17) Learn 1000 Jokes and LAUGH (but not at the ones that suck!)
18) Have more sex (my favorite!)
19) Meditate more, follow your spirit and pray (maybe that you’ll get more of #18!)
20) Love, Love and Love more!!
Now, here are my additions to that empowering list:
21) Clear your house of electrosmog (look it up!)
22) Use full spectrum light
23) Invest in a shower filter
24) Buy an earth based PEMF therapy mat
25) Invest in a good infrared sauna
26) Get a good air purifier
27) Walk barefoot for 30 minutes every day (and get more grounded)
28) Supplement with key nutrients like Vitamin D, Omega 3's, a good full spectrum multiple, etc. And if you cannot afford supplements, look to supplement your income.
Check out my book, PEMF the 5th Element of Health as I describe in detail #21-#28, especially number #21 and #24.
I share this because if you are reading this book and you are sick, in pain and if you follow all the advice, not only will you feel better, sleep better, have more energy and live pain free BUT also - congratulations, you're officially be a member of overachievers anonymous!
And you will seriously be healed of any serious illness, including seriousness!
Here is his 20 step program - and NOTICE number 17. This is one of the reasons I am incorporating 1000 jokes in this book. He would have his patients learn a lot of jokes and do a stand-up comedy night where everyone shared their favorites. I added a few extras to bring the total to 28.
That reminds me of a joke about a new organization "Overachievers Anonymous". They have a 28 step program!
And if YOU ARE sick, make sure to look into the other 27 as well. Laughter is the best medicine, but when you heal your body on many different levels, a great synergy happens. That reminds me of a joke (because everything reminds me of a joke)!:
Having sex on an elevator is wrong on so many levels!
(but notice its #18 on Dr Schultze’s list).
1) Pure water - half your body weight in ounces a day (at least)
2) Pure Fresh Juice - 1 quart everyday (buy a juicer)
3) Eat a clean, healthy and organic diet
4) Eat more live, raw foods (not live animals, though!)
5) Elimination (do a colon cleanse)
6) 5 day cleansing and detoxification program (kidney and liver cleanses)
7) Start walking and breathe more
8) Move more, sweat everyday (invest in a sauna, or move in with me in Florida!)
9) Hot and cold hydrotherapy
10) Wear only cotton and natural fibers
11) Use all natural soap, shampoo, cleaners, detergents and toothpaste.
12) Stop watching TV, especially the news (or minimize greatly). No reality shows translates to more brain cells!
13) Throw away or get rid of 1/3 of what you own.
14) Start loving yourself and your life (use positive affirmations)
15) Express yourself and get more creative (music, art, poetry, comedy, etc)
16) Help someone everyday
17) Learn 1000 Jokes and LAUGH (but not at the ones that suck!)
18) Have more sex (my favorite!)
19) Meditate more, follow your spirit and pray (maybe that you’ll get more of #18!)
20) Love, Love and Love more!!
Now, here are my additions to that empowering list:
21) Clear your house of electrosmog (look it up!)
22) Use full spectrum light
23) Invest in a shower filter
24) Buy an earth based PEMF therapy mat
25) Invest in a good infrared sauna
26) Get a good air purifier
27) Walk barefoot for 30 minutes every day (and get more grounded)
28) Supplement with key nutrients like Vitamin D, Omega 3's, a good full spectrum multiple, etc. And if you cannot afford supplements, look to supplement your income.
Check out my book, PEMF the 5th Element of Health as I describe in detail #21-#28, especially number #21 and #24.
I share this because if you are reading this book and you are sick, in pain and if you follow all the advice, not only will you feel better, sleep better, have more energy and live pain free BUT also - congratulations, you're officially be a member of overachievers anonymous!
And you will seriously be healed of any serious illness, including seriousness!
Doctor
Jokes Wanted in Surgery!
There’s
no easy way to make a clever segue into a whole section devoted to doctor jokes,
but I’m jumping into it anyway - because
I want you to laugh so hard that you never have to see one! And if you do, you
can share the jokes with him or her (even as you gripe about your co-payment!).
I want to inspire you to stay out of the hospital – and that means, LAUGHING
more to boost your immune system and keep your heart healthy.
I have found some of the funniest, bone tickling, clean as a pressed white jacket jokes about doctors AND also food...Hey, M.D.’s have to eat, right? I include food to inspire you to laugh while eating healthy. Yeah, I’m all over the place, but when you’ve got jokes, you can’t worry about genres, you just want to be funny! But make sure to still chew your food... I always tell people be like a train and CHEW CHEW!!! (Yes, that will bring back memories of train tracks in the mashed potatoes!) Let Food AND laughter be thy medicine!
Ok, hear's some jokes from our Resident Doctor, PATCH Adams:
I have found some of the funniest, bone tickling, clean as a pressed white jacket jokes about doctors AND also food...Hey, M.D.’s have to eat, right? I include food to inspire you to laugh while eating healthy. Yeah, I’m all over the place, but when you’ve got jokes, you can’t worry about genres, you just want to be funny! But make sure to still chew your food... I always tell people be like a train and CHEW CHEW!!! (Yes, that will bring back memories of train tracks in the mashed potatoes!) Let Food AND laughter be thy medicine!
Ok, hear's some jokes from our Resident Doctor, PATCH Adams:
