Let they Food (humor) Be Thy Medicine
Funny Foods - Part 1
Fruit, Veggie and other Nutty Food Jokes
Two peanuts walk down the street and one was a salted.
This girl from my school said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
My decision to become a vegetarian was a missed steak
Q. Why did the guy get fired from the orange juice factory?
A. He couldn’t concentrate!
Q. Why was the mushroom invited to lots of parties?
A. Because he was a fungi to be with!
Q: Why did the Mushroom get invited to all the parties?
A: 'Cuz he's a fungi!
Q: What would a mushroom car say?
A: Shroom shroom!
Q: Did you hear the joke about the fungus?
A: I could tell it to you, but it might need time to grow on you.
Q. Why did the man pour veggies all over the world?
A. He wanted peas on earth.
Q. Where do baby apes sleep?
A. In apricots
Q: Why did the tomato turn red?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing
Q: How do you get rid of lazy tomato employees?
A: Can them.
Q: What did the Sweet Potato say to the Potato?
A: "I think, therefore I yam!"
Q: Why do potatoes make good detectives?
A: Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Q: What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and peering into their garden?
A: "Medi Tators."
Q: Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm?
A: Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.
Q: Why did the tomato go out with a prune?
A: Because he couldn't find a date!
Q: What is the easiest way to make a banana split?
A: Cut it in half.
Q: What is green and goes to a summer camp?
A: A Brussels' scout.
Q: What vegetable do you need a plumber for?
A: A Leek
Did you hear about the guy who stopped eating vegetables?
His heart missed a beet.
Q: What is small, red and whispers?
A: A hoarse radish.
Q: When is a cucumber like a strawberry?
A: When one is in a pickle and the other is in a jam.
Q: What is a Honeymoon Salad?
A: Lettuce alone, with no dressing.
Q: How do you repair a broken tomato?
A: Tomato Paste!
Q: Why did the gardener quit?
A: Because his celery wasn't high enough!
Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot
Q: What did one snowman say to the other?
A: Does it smell like carrots?
Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato?
A: Lettuce get together!
Q: Why did the Tomato go out with a prune?
A: Because he couldn't find a date!
Q: What did the sergeant tomato say to the slacker soldier tomato?
A: "You better catch up!"
Boy Melon: Honey, can we run away and get married?
Girl Melon: Sorry, I cantaloupe.
What do you call a person that chops up cereal.
A cereal killer.
What vegetable do all the rich people eat?
Ups-kale.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie?
Chocolate chimp!
Did you hear the joke about the peach?
It was pit-iful.
(be careful with this one...)
What's the definition of suspicion?
A nun doing squats in a cucumber field.
What kind of murder has fibre?
A Cereal Killer.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was pulled under by a strong currant!
How did the egg get up the mountain?
It scrambled up!
Q: What did the grape say when the Elephant trod on it?
A: Nothing, it just gave a little wine.
Q: What did the grape say when he got stepped on?
A: He let out a little wine.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Q: What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden
A: Seizure salad
Q: What do you do with epileptic lettuce?
A: You make a seizure salad!
Q: What happens if life gives you melons?
A: Your dyslexic
Q: What happened to the snack bar that was too close to the Atom Smasher?
A: They created "Fission chips"
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it
And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend
Hey, bud, wanna eat some cactus?
No, pal.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous.
They're always raisinet!
What vegetable can tie your stomach in knots?
String beans.
(I can't eat string beans, it ties my stomach in knots).
Q: What does a nosey pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeno business!
Q: What happened when a cabbage, a faucet, and a tomato had a race?
A: The cabbage was a-head, the faucet was running, and the tomato was trying to ketch-up!
Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Q: What did one snowman say to the other?
A: Do you smell carrots?
Q: Did you hear about the carrot detective?
A: He got to the root of every case.
Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
A: Breathe! Breathe!
Breathe brother, you gotta breathe!
Q: How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A: Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses!
How do you make soup rich?
Add 24 carrots.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
How do you know your eating rabbit soup?
When there's a hare in it.
What's a bagel that can fly?
a plain bagel
Q: Why doesn't anyone want to work in a bakery?
A: It's a crumby place to work.
Q: Why are bread jokes always funny?
A: Because they never get mold!
Q: What did one slice of bread say to the other slice of bread when he saw some butter and jam on the table?
A: We're toast!
Q: Why didn't the obese man know he was overweight?
A: Because it kinda just snacked up on him!
Q: What what can you make from baked beans and onions?
A: Tear gas.
You know, when stuck in a jam, you're the bun I want to be with!
Q: What does bread do after it's done baking?
A: Loaf around.
Q: Why do bakers give women on special occasions?
A: Flours
Q: How do you make pickle bread?
A: With dill-dough
Q: Did you hear about the angry pancake?
A: He just flipped.
Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
A: He pasta way.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock?
A: It went back four seconds.
"I don't feel grate." -- Block of Cheese before it got shredded.
I went to a place to eat. It said "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
I ate too much Middle Eastern food...
Now I falafel
Q: Why are chefs so mean?
A: They beat eggs and whip cream.
Q: What do you call sad coffee?"
A: Despresso.
"And how did you find your steak, sir?"
"I just moved my potato and there it was!"
Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef.
Waitress: What can I get you?
Customer: Couple of eggs.
Waitress: How would you like those eggs cooked?
Customer: Yeah, I would.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
Let's have a garden party.
.....Lettuce turnip the beet.
Two peanuts walk down the street and one was a salted.
This girl from my school said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
My decision to become a vegetarian was a missed steak
Q. Why did the guy get fired from the orange juice factory?
A. He couldn’t concentrate!
Q. Why was the mushroom invited to lots of parties?
A. Because he was a fungi to be with!
Q: Why did the Mushroom get invited to all the parties?
A: 'Cuz he's a fungi!
Q: What would a mushroom car say?
A: Shroom shroom!
Q: Did you hear the joke about the fungus?
A: I could tell it to you, but it might need time to grow on you.
Q. Why did the man pour veggies all over the world?
A. He wanted peas on earth.
Q. Where do baby apes sleep?
A. In apricots
Q: Why did the tomato turn red?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing
Q: How do you get rid of lazy tomato employees?
A: Can them.
Q: What did the Sweet Potato say to the Potato?
A: "I think, therefore I yam!"
Q: Why do potatoes make good detectives?
A: Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Q: What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and peering into their garden?
A: "Medi Tators."
Q: Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm?
A: Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.
Q: Why did the tomato go out with a prune?
A: Because he couldn't find a date!
Q: What is the easiest way to make a banana split?
A: Cut it in half.
Q: What is green and goes to a summer camp?
A: A Brussels' scout.
Q: What vegetable do you need a plumber for?
A: A Leek
Did you hear about the guy who stopped eating vegetables?
His heart missed a beet.
Q: What is small, red and whispers?
A: A hoarse radish.
Q: When is a cucumber like a strawberry?
A: When one is in a pickle and the other is in a jam.
Q: What is a Honeymoon Salad?
A: Lettuce alone, with no dressing.
Q: How do you repair a broken tomato?
A: Tomato Paste!
Q: Why did the gardener quit?
A: Because his celery wasn't high enough!
Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot
Q: What did one snowman say to the other?
A: Does it smell like carrots?
Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato?
A: Lettuce get together!
Q: Why did the Tomato go out with a prune?
A: Because he couldn't find a date!
Q: What did the sergeant tomato say to the slacker soldier tomato?
A: "You better catch up!"
Boy Melon: Honey, can we run away and get married?
Girl Melon: Sorry, I cantaloupe.
What do you call a person that chops up cereal.
A cereal killer.
What vegetable do all the rich people eat?
Ups-kale.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie?
Chocolate chimp!
Did you hear the joke about the peach?
It was pit-iful.
(be careful with this one...)
What's the definition of suspicion?
A nun doing squats in a cucumber field.
What kind of murder has fibre?
A Cereal Killer.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was pulled under by a strong currant!
How did the egg get up the mountain?
It scrambled up!
Q: What did the grape say when the Elephant trod on it?
A: Nothing, it just gave a little wine.
Q: What did the grape say when he got stepped on?
A: He let out a little wine.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Q: What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden
A: Seizure salad
Q: What do you do with epileptic lettuce?
A: You make a seizure salad!
Q: What happens if life gives you melons?
A: Your dyslexic
Q: What happened to the snack bar that was too close to the Atom Smasher?
A: They created "Fission chips"
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it
And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend
Hey, bud, wanna eat some cactus?
No, pal.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous.
They're always raisinet!
What vegetable can tie your stomach in knots?
String beans.
(I can't eat string beans, it ties my stomach in knots).
Q: What does a nosey pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeno business!
Q: What happened when a cabbage, a faucet, and a tomato had a race?
A: The cabbage was a-head, the faucet was running, and the tomato was trying to ketch-up!
Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Q: What did one snowman say to the other?
A: Do you smell carrots?
Q: Did you hear about the carrot detective?
A: He got to the root of every case.
Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
A: Breathe! Breathe!
Breathe brother, you gotta breathe!
Q: How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A: Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses!
How do you make soup rich?
Add 24 carrots.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
How do you know your eating rabbit soup?
When there's a hare in it.
What's a bagel that can fly?
a plain bagel
Q: Why doesn't anyone want to work in a bakery?
A: It's a crumby place to work.
Q: Why are bread jokes always funny?
A: Because they never get mold!
Q: What did one slice of bread say to the other slice of bread when he saw some butter and jam on the table?
A: We're toast!
Q: Why didn't the obese man know he was overweight?
A: Because it kinda just snacked up on him!
Q: What what can you make from baked beans and onions?
A: Tear gas.
You know, when stuck in a jam, you're the bun I want to be with!
Q: What does bread do after it's done baking?
A: Loaf around.
Q: Why do bakers give women on special occasions?
A: Flours
Q: How do you make pickle bread?
A: With dill-dough
Q: Did you hear about the angry pancake?
A: He just flipped.
Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
A: He pasta way.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock?
A: It went back four seconds.
"I don't feel grate." -- Block of Cheese before it got shredded.
I went to a place to eat. It said "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
I ate too much Middle Eastern food...
Now I falafel
Q: Why are chefs so mean?
A: They beat eggs and whip cream.
Q: What do you call sad coffee?"
A: Despresso.
"And how did you find your steak, sir?"
"I just moved my potato and there it was!"
Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef.
Waitress: What can I get you?
Customer: Couple of eggs.
Waitress: How would you like those eggs cooked?
Customer: Yeah, I would.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
Let's have a garden party.
.....Lettuce turnip the beet.
