SPIRITUALITY: DIVINE LOVE THAT CAN DRIVE YOU CRAZY!
A question for you fellow seekers out there: Have you tried so many spiritual paths that you've become pathological and disillusioned? Experienced so much so called “personal growth” from outside sources that you're totally fed up and “growthed” out (sounds like I’m lisping!)? Do you think God probably loves you - but He's still in the “friend zone,” taking it one date at a time and just not ready to make a commitment? Have you spent so much money on fixing yourself that now you're really broke? Do you think you might be confused, but you're just not sure?
As the author of this book, I feel it’s my duty to tell you, I just may have the answer – This BOOK! (You’ve read this far, so it’s obviously ticking some fancy in your soul!) What I am teaching you is the ancient Chinese art of Fu-Ling that I learned from one of my Guru's Swami Beyondananda (who I affectionately called Swamiji). Why do all gurus have cool Eastern names? Don’t those make them sound more wise and spiritual? Would you find enlightenment if you studied with to “Guru Chuck” or “Guru Bob”?
Once I achieved "Fool" realization (that's when you realize that you are the same fool on the hill that you’ve always been), Swamiji "absurdified" me to teach this lost art. (I should write my next book on all the funky words I am making up in this one!) I realized that all the Farces of Nature are truly "Pun" and Creation itself is One Big Cosmic Joke.
I asked Swamiji if I could be his disciple, but he told me that he gets paranoid when he thinks he is being followed. After much begging he reluctantly agreed. Along with Fu Ling, he initiated me into Tantram Yoga. I didn’t say, “TANTRUM yoga” – so stop throwing a fit and screaming! In Tantram Yoga, you hold your breath until God gives you what you want. This is why Krishna turned blue. Now, I wonder if God stopped answering the Smurfs prayers or something!
Upon finishing my nine month intensive, which the Swami calls the "Jest-ation" period, I was given a new "mirth.” I had the special power to make others "fooly" aware. And once I attained this highest state of “fooliness,” which some would indeed call “foolishness,” The Swami gave me one last word of advice. “Now that you are on the path, make sure you do not end up embarking up the wrong tree…My advice to you is never have ‘sects’ in your path, if you must have ‘sects,’ do it behind the tree.” Swami jokes!
This longwinded chapter introduction, brought to you by the letter M, is actually how I started off one of the comedy skits I did at Song of the Morning; it ran so long I’m sure people considered changing the retreat center to Song of the Evening!
So on with Fu Ling! We’ll leave Tantram Yoga for another book. You’re in good hands either way. I was ordained as a minister AND certified as a yoga instructor. I was the center’s resident yoga instructor. If guests wanted to do yoga, I was their go-to NAMASTE guy!
As the author of this book, I feel it’s my duty to tell you, I just may have the answer – This BOOK! (You’ve read this far, so it’s obviously ticking some fancy in your soul!) What I am teaching you is the ancient Chinese art of Fu-Ling that I learned from one of my Guru's Swami Beyondananda (who I affectionately called Swamiji). Why do all gurus have cool Eastern names? Don’t those make them sound more wise and spiritual? Would you find enlightenment if you studied with to “Guru Chuck” or “Guru Bob”?
Once I achieved "Fool" realization (that's when you realize that you are the same fool on the hill that you’ve always been), Swamiji "absurdified" me to teach this lost art. (I should write my next book on all the funky words I am making up in this one!) I realized that all the Farces of Nature are truly "Pun" and Creation itself is One Big Cosmic Joke.
I asked Swamiji if I could be his disciple, but he told me that he gets paranoid when he thinks he is being followed. After much begging he reluctantly agreed. Along with Fu Ling, he initiated me into Tantram Yoga. I didn’t say, “TANTRUM yoga” – so stop throwing a fit and screaming! In Tantram Yoga, you hold your breath until God gives you what you want. This is why Krishna turned blue. Now, I wonder if God stopped answering the Smurfs prayers or something!
Upon finishing my nine month intensive, which the Swami calls the "Jest-ation" period, I was given a new "mirth.” I had the special power to make others "fooly" aware. And once I attained this highest state of “fooliness,” which some would indeed call “foolishness,” The Swami gave me one last word of advice. “Now that you are on the path, make sure you do not end up embarking up the wrong tree…My advice to you is never have ‘sects’ in your path, if you must have ‘sects,’ do it behind the tree.” Swami jokes!
This longwinded chapter introduction, brought to you by the letter M, is actually how I started off one of the comedy skits I did at Song of the Morning; it ran so long I’m sure people considered changing the retreat center to Song of the Evening!
So on with Fu Ling! We’ll leave Tantram Yoga for another book. You’re in good hands either way. I was ordained as a minister AND certified as a yoga instructor. I was the center’s resident yoga instructor. If guests wanted to do yoga, I was their go-to NAMASTE guy!
The "M" in huMor is Meditation or Mindset
For Meditation/spirituality, I lived 4 years at a spiritual/yoga retreat center called song practiced daily yoga/prayer/meditation and incorporated humor in many ways including 5 comedy skits, humorous-fun-filled yoga and even a Laugh-Fest weekend with my friend Eric Huffman. In this section, I will give specific examples, more jokes, and research linking the psychological/spritual benefits of humor.
My love of humor has a 18 year history...It all began 18 years ago, when I was living at a spiritual retreat in Northern Michigan, called Song of the Morning...one of the most beautiful places on earth! I was actually a full time staff member along with about 10 others and our focus was meditation and selfless service. We were very fortunate to have a direct disciple of Paramhansa Yogananda, Bob Raymer who we all affectionatly called "Baba". He was the spiritual director for the full time I was there.
Even though we mainly followed Yogananda's teachings, what I liked about Baba and Song of the Morning at that time was it was very open to all paths, gurus and teachings. Not only did we practice Kriya Yoga and meditation techniques taught by Yogananda, we also daily did the IAM decrees and affirmations, different mantras, yoga and we had workshops with leading spiritual teachers and healers. It was a wonderful 4 years.
And I was actually ordained as a minister AND certified as a yoga instructor. I was the resident yoga teacher... If any guests wanted to do yoga, I was the go to yoga guy...
My love of humor has a 18 year history...It all began 18 years ago, when I was living at a spiritual retreat in Northern Michigan, called Song of the Morning...one of the most beautiful places on earth! I was actually a full time staff member along with about 10 others and our focus was meditation and selfless service. We were very fortunate to have a direct disciple of Paramhansa Yogananda, Bob Raymer who we all affectionatly called "Baba". He was the spiritual director for the full time I was there.
Even though we mainly followed Yogananda's teachings, what I liked about Baba and Song of the Morning at that time was it was very open to all paths, gurus and teachings. Not only did we practice Kriya Yoga and meditation techniques taught by Yogananda, we also daily did the IAM decrees and affirmations, different mantras, yoga and we had workshops with leading spiritual teachers and healers. It was a wonderful 4 years.
And I was actually ordained as a minister AND certified as a yoga instructor. I was the resident yoga teacher... If any guests wanted to do yoga, I was the go to yoga guy...
The Spiritual Path doesn't have to be all serious
My love of humor is old enough to vote this year! I can trace it to my time at Song of the Morning, where I was a full time staff member (on a team with about 10 others). Our focus was on meditation and selfless service. Great principles, but funny? I’m getting there. We were fortunate to have as our spiritual director Bob Raymer, a direct disciple of Paramhansa Yogananda with us. We affectionately called him “Baba.”
So we followed Yogananda's teachings, but the center was open to all paths, gurus and teachings. We practiced Kriya Yoga and meditation techniques taught by Yogananda. We also did daily the IAM decrees and affirmations, different mantras, yoga…and we had workshops with leading spiritual teachers and healers. I call it “four years of bliss.”
Remember in the preface, when I mentioned my best friend there, Victor Steinman, and those pages and pages he had on jokes? Immersing myself in those launched a years long obsession with joketelling and humor (and humor studies) that have led me now to this book (and early on inspired me to write a joke book called HA!).
At Song of the Morning I did several stand-up comedy routines, and my friend Eric Huffman and I even did a whole weekend long retreat called “Laugh Fest”...We got a very good turnout too! We had the place really rolling with laughter...That was the breakthrough. My FLUX CAPACITOR moment! Even in what would seem to be a solemn spiritual environment, there were openings for human and divine connection through humor!
Giving spirit that I am, I will share with you some whimsical examples from those comedy skits and some other ideas you can use to incorporate humor into your spiritual life. I remember these skits clearly – and also the fact that I had to persistently ask if I could perform them. It was clear even 18 years ago that my spiritual journey would be joke and humor filled. I like to think God created me that way – and that God him/her/itself has a sense of humor. Whatever your chosen path, there are jokes to make the journey a little lighter. And if you’re a humanist, then let’s thank Mother Nature for making that a fun thing as well!
So we followed Yogananda's teachings, but the center was open to all paths, gurus and teachings. We practiced Kriya Yoga and meditation techniques taught by Yogananda. We also did daily the IAM decrees and affirmations, different mantras, yoga…and we had workshops with leading spiritual teachers and healers. I call it “four years of bliss.”
Remember in the preface, when I mentioned my best friend there, Victor Steinman, and those pages and pages he had on jokes? Immersing myself in those launched a years long obsession with joketelling and humor (and humor studies) that have led me now to this book (and early on inspired me to write a joke book called HA!).
At Song of the Morning I did several stand-up comedy routines, and my friend Eric Huffman and I even did a whole weekend long retreat called “Laugh Fest”...We got a very good turnout too! We had the place really rolling with laughter...That was the breakthrough. My FLUX CAPACITOR moment! Even in what would seem to be a solemn spiritual environment, there were openings for human and divine connection through humor!
Giving spirit that I am, I will share with you some whimsical examples from those comedy skits and some other ideas you can use to incorporate humor into your spiritual life. I remember these skits clearly – and also the fact that I had to persistently ask if I could perform them. It was clear even 18 years ago that my spiritual journey would be joke and humor filled. I like to think God created me that way – and that God him/her/itself has a sense of humor. Whatever your chosen path, there are jokes to make the journey a little lighter. And if you’re a humanist, then let’s thank Mother Nature for making that a fun thing as well!
Top Ten Lists
I was sad that David Letterman retired this year. Top Ten Lists, which were one of his great trademarks, are one of my FAVORITE ways to add comedy and humor to ANYTHING I have done. And they ALWAYS were successful - ALWAYS!! I used them in teaching math, physics, at the spiritual retreat center, and in health lectures, to liven up the party. I highly recommend checking out Dave’s delivery and books to get ideas.
I'll share some examples from my use of top 10 lists at Song of the Morning during a comedy skit AND one I did for New Years Eve.
TECHNIQUE: Get some index cards (needs to be stiff enough). Write each joke counting backwards from 10... one joke per card. After delivering each joke, throw the card into the audience. Just flick your wrist...It adds flourish and flair – and makes the top ten list a lot more fun for YOU and the audience as they watch the cards fly. Let someone else clean up the mess – and make a joke out of that too! Using cards also make the delivery easier as you don't have to memorize the jokes.
Here are two examples with some inside jokes, but whatever company or group you are a part of will always have inside jokes - which many times are the funniest! Relevance and connectability (another made up word?) are key! Imagine Paul Shaffer is making comments along the way, and Anton Fig is doing drum rolls and “commenting” via his high hat!
I'll share some examples from my use of top 10 lists at Song of the Morning during a comedy skit AND one I did for New Years Eve.
TECHNIQUE: Get some index cards (needs to be stiff enough). Write each joke counting backwards from 10... one joke per card. After delivering each joke, throw the card into the audience. Just flick your wrist...It adds flourish and flair – and makes the top ten list a lot more fun for YOU and the audience as they watch the cards fly. Let someone else clean up the mess – and make a joke out of that too! Using cards also make the delivery easier as you don't have to memorize the jokes.
Here are two examples with some inside jokes, but whatever company or group you are a part of will always have inside jokes - which many times are the funniest! Relevance and connectability (another made up word?) are key! Imagine Paul Shaffer is making comments along the way, and Anton Fig is doing drum rolls and “commenting” via his high hat!
Top 10 Reasons To Be on Staff at Song of the Morning
10. We have quite a routine here but nobody really follows it.
9. We're all big Red Wings fans and We have Tattoos to Prove it.
8. Watch the Leaves Change Colors in Early August
7. Learn First Hand All About Seasonal Affective Disorder
6. You DO NOT Have to Do the Energization Exercises and Om Technique To Get Kriya Yoga (no more corns on your elbows).
5. There is Just Skads of Free Time to Heal Your Inner Child
4. Big Buck Brewery is Just Minutes Away
3. It's an Energy Vortex - Kinda Like The Bermuda Triangle
2. Earn in One Year What Most People Make in a Week (We have a saying here - another day another dollar).
1. You Can Have One Guru or a Thousand - We Don't Give a Damn (I mean darn)!
9. We're all big Red Wings fans and We have Tattoos to Prove it.
8. Watch the Leaves Change Colors in Early August
7. Learn First Hand All About Seasonal Affective Disorder
6. You DO NOT Have to Do the Energization Exercises and Om Technique To Get Kriya Yoga (no more corns on your elbows).
5. There is Just Skads of Free Time to Heal Your Inner Child
4. Big Buck Brewery is Just Minutes Away
3. It's an Energy Vortex - Kinda Like The Bermuda Triangle
2. Earn in One Year What Most People Make in a Week (We have a saying here - another day another dollar).
1. You Can Have One Guru or a Thousand - We Don't Give a Damn (I mean darn)!
Top 10 Reasons To Be At Song of the Morning On New Years Eve
10. Wow! That's is SOME sparkling cider you have here
9. Still Plenty of Cookies and Snacks from Last Year
8. Extended seven minute Meditation to bring in the New Year
7. Mike Wyman and Betty Howard are the Designated Drivers, So Drink as Much Punch as you Like
6. Boy O' Boy do These Yogis Know How to Party
5. You Get to Hear the Same Jokes as Yogacharya's Birthday Celebration
4. We Have Enough Snow For the Whole State of Michigan. Oh the weather outside is frightful...
3. You Get to Hug 50 People in One Night - Even if You Can't Stand 'em.
2. The Food is Great, The Music is Awesome and The Meditations Kick Some Serious Behind
1. We Might Not Have the Big Apple, But We Sure as Hell Have the Juice.
9. Still Plenty of Cookies and Snacks from Last Year
8. Extended seven minute Meditation to bring in the New Year
7. Mike Wyman and Betty Howard are the Designated Drivers, So Drink as Much Punch as you Like
6. Boy O' Boy do These Yogis Know How to Party
5. You Get to Hear the Same Jokes as Yogacharya's Birthday Celebration
4. We Have Enough Snow For the Whole State of Michigan. Oh the weather outside is frightful...
3. You Get to Hug 50 People in One Night - Even if You Can't Stand 'em.
2. The Food is Great, The Music is Awesome and The Meditations Kick Some Serious Behind
1. We Might Not Have the Big Apple, But We Sure as Hell Have the Juice.
Humorous Bumper Stickers for a Big Event
Every year we celebrated Yogacharya's birthday (but only if we could spell his name!), and I was on staff for the 108th Celebration and naturally performed a comedy skit. Part of the skit was sharing humorous bumper stickers. I actually had these sayings made into real bumper stickers. The last one I gave away to everyone to keep. If you drive around Northern Michigan, you might find some old clunkers with these magical crack-filled stickers on them!
Doing funny bumper stickers adds a prop (like the Top Ten list note cards) to a joke which always helps (and keeps some suspense in between). Always pause before revealing the next one. Timing is everything! Another benefit is, you don't have to memorize the bumper stickers or even deliver perfectly because the bumper sticker will do all that for you. Just "stick with it".
Whatever event you are doing, just research or brainstorm jokes and ideas on the related topic. In this case, it is new age, Hindu/Buddhist type of humor (I see you laughing already, like HOW COULD THOSE THINGS POSSIBLY BE FUNNY?). But just make sure to keep it clean and non offensive. You don’t want an angry Buddhist or Hindu in your life! Instant Karma’s gonna get you!
-Procrastinate Now
-Zen Housekeepers Don't Have Any Attachments
-God is coming... Look busy!
-I am a Humanitarian, Though I Was Once a Vegetarian
-Park Your Karma
-Curb Your Dogma
-Out of Body - Back in 15 Minutes
-Meditation is Better Than Sitting Around and Doing Nothing
-Overachievers Anonymous: We Offer a 28 Step Program
-There's a Seeker Born Every Minute (refers to spiritual seeker)
-Vegetarians Visualize Whirled Peas
-I considered being atheist, but there weren't enough holidays.
-Everyone Needs Samadhi Sometime (Dean Martin theology)
Doing funny bumper stickers adds a prop (like the Top Ten list note cards) to a joke which always helps (and keeps some suspense in between). Always pause before revealing the next one. Timing is everything! Another benefit is, you don't have to memorize the bumper stickers or even deliver perfectly because the bumper sticker will do all that for you. Just "stick with it".
Whatever event you are doing, just research or brainstorm jokes and ideas on the related topic. In this case, it is new age, Hindu/Buddhist type of humor (I see you laughing already, like HOW COULD THOSE THINGS POSSIBLY BE FUNNY?). But just make sure to keep it clean and non offensive. You don’t want an angry Buddhist or Hindu in your life! Instant Karma’s gonna get you!
-Procrastinate Now
-Zen Housekeepers Don't Have Any Attachments
-God is coming... Look busy!
-I am a Humanitarian, Though I Was Once a Vegetarian
-Park Your Karma
-Curb Your Dogma
-Out of Body - Back in 15 Minutes
-Meditation is Better Than Sitting Around and Doing Nothing
-Overachievers Anonymous: We Offer a 28 Step Program
-There's a Seeker Born Every Minute (refers to spiritual seeker)
-Vegetarians Visualize Whirled Peas
-I considered being atheist, but there weren't enough holidays.
-Everyone Needs Samadhi Sometime (Dean Martin theology)
Humorous Brochure
Now for your reading and dining pleasure, I will take you from bumper stickerville to the land of the humorous brochures!
Remember, with the proper twists, anything can be made funny with the proper care, handling and twists! Even a brochure, program, guide, handout or syllabus!
Here is some of the funniness I used to humorize... The technique I use was ridiculous exaggerations, making things the opposite of what they should be, including inside humor and calling out certain people by name (assuming they are good sports!).
The Theme of Humorizing this Brochure was to announce the NEW and Improved Song of the Morning. (As opposed to the old and unimproved Song of the Wee Small Hours of the Morning). It’s Now a Retreat for REAL Yogis, not girlie-men.
NEW Cover - Shown is Spiritual Director at the Time, the Late Bob Raymer.
Picture
Remember, with the proper twists, anything can be made funny with the proper care, handling and twists! Even a brochure, program, guide, handout or syllabus!
Here is some of the funniness I used to humorize... The technique I use was ridiculous exaggerations, making things the opposite of what they should be, including inside humor and calling out certain people by name (assuming they are good sports!).
The Theme of Humorizing this Brochure was to announce the NEW and Improved Song of the Morning. (As opposed to the old and unimproved Song of the Wee Small Hours of the Morning). It’s Now a Retreat for REAL Yogis, not girlie-men.
NEW Cover - Shown is Spiritual Director at the Time, the Late Bob Raymer.
Picture
New Mission and Purpose:
Song of the Morning exists for the primary purpose of severely testing you physically, mentally and spiritually. Experiencing Song of the Morning with patience and detachment, you will be led to experience the golden truth that happiness has to be inside, but it sure as heck isn't out here.
Our New Park It Anywhere but Here Policy
Sorry folks, but parking is no longer available at Song of the Morning. Any vehicle found here will be turned into scrap metal with Tom's new monster truck. We recommend you park at Amy Simpson's house and walk.
New Lodging and Rates
Lodging is now vastly simplified - There is no longer any need to make reservations because everyone sleeps in the Center Dome (affectionately known as the Sardine Can). Laid end to end and side by side 500 people can comfortably sleep. Flat rate of $100 per head (because there are no beds).
Showers and Toilets
There will be one outhouse with one toilet exactly one mile from the domes to accommodate all guests. Sorry, no hot water or showers. Please bring snow shoes during the snow season.
Heat/Air Conditioning
New "Green" Climate control system keeps the domes at a fresh and crisp 45 degrees during the winter and a soothing 95 degrees during our whopping two weeks of summer.
Quiet Hours
Sorry No More Quiet Hours. We strongly encourage all night chanting. Also loud snorers stay for free. The acoustics of the domes richly enhance loud and bellowing snorers (earplugs forbidden). It’s kinda like whale sounds, just not as relaxing.
Membership Program
Membership prices have been gently nudged up to $10,000 per person. Membership still gives you a whopping 10% off some bookstore items and 10% off of lodging on select weekends. Please do not call us for details. Many restrictions apply.
Food/Dining
Meals will no longer be served at Song of the Morning. This new and exciting policy will produce a new generation of breatharians. To compensate, every evening there will be 4 hours of energization exercises led by Bob Korb.
Also, we are opening a new "green" restaurant called the Breatharian Bistro. Of course, no food is served, but the atmosphere is terrific. We ask that you do not disturb those patrons with a closepin on their nose. They are fasting and probably desire to be left alone.
Daily Routine for Guests
Rise and Shine is 3 a.m.! Bob "The Hitman" Raymer (affectionately, Baba) will personally awaken each guest with his powerful shaktipat crystal. After each person receives a rise and shine blow to the head, Baba will then lead one hour of step aerobics followed by a 30 second meditation - then it’s off to work, sports fans! Heigh-ho!
We require a modest 12 hours of selfless service (with a 3 minute breathing break) as part of your Song of the Morning experience. Tom "The Slave Driver" Moser will be your supervisor. And because we have over 800 acres of dirt or snow (not to mention lots of wood), there is ALWAYS Plenty of work to be done.
Immediately after work is a 4 hour period of energization exercises. If you don't like 'em, don’t worry, you'll learn to! Then we will close the day by spending 4 hours in the breathless state. We don't care if you are in Nirvikalpa Samadhi or Sabikalpa Samadhi (the food is better in one realm, I’m not telling which!). The important thing is that you are absolutely forbidden to move or breathe during this 4 hour period. Those failing to comply will be dealt with swiftly and firmly - NO EXCEPTIONS! This is a yoga retreat for REAL Yogis, not sissies and girlie men.
Then it’s down to the center dome for 3 hours of refreshing interrupted sleep on our new extra hardwood floors (ok, its concrete painted brown, you do what you have to!)
Weekend Retreats
I know you're asking yourself, "When does one find time to participate in the weekend retreats?" The answer is - there is no time. Let me explain. Just a little bit of your time and money allows one staff member to attend a weekend workshop. In return, you will receive a picture of your sponsored staff person with a personal handwritten letter of thanks. And the price is no more than a year of Starbucks gourmet latte.
Our New Maybe there is, maybe there isn't policy
We absolutely will not guarantee a damn thing.
We do, however, answer the phones on February 29th from 3:00am - 3:03am Greenwich Time if you want to talk to a supervisor (though we can't guarantee they'll be in). Also you have to be in Greenwich (eating a Green Sandwich) to ensure we’ll answer!
Upcoming Retreats
Mushroom Hunt and Vision Quest weekend led by psychedelic guru Betty Howard. Betty will teach us the difference between good morrels and bad morrels.
All new SALT WATER BLOWOUT weekend with Mike Wyman. Mike will guide us on an experiential tour of salt water baths, salt water enemas, the best salt water taffy, and of course lots of salt water to drink. The weekend will be concluded with a salt water funneling contest. Please bring plenty of extra clean underwear. Mike tells us not to underestimate the power of the force.
Dark Night of the Soul Retreat
A group of well trained Black Magicians and Sorcerors will invoke and painlessly introduce various entities, discarnates and dark force energies deep into the tissues of each participant. Smoking, drinking, drugs and junk food is strongly encouraged. Also, it helps if you are already an extra large medium (channel).
Song of the Morning exists for the primary purpose of severely testing you physically, mentally and spiritually. Experiencing Song of the Morning with patience and detachment, you will be led to experience the golden truth that happiness has to be inside, but it sure as heck isn't out here.
Our New Park It Anywhere but Here Policy
Sorry folks, but parking is no longer available at Song of the Morning. Any vehicle found here will be turned into scrap metal with Tom's new monster truck. We recommend you park at Amy Simpson's house and walk.
New Lodging and Rates
Lodging is now vastly simplified - There is no longer any need to make reservations because everyone sleeps in the Center Dome (affectionately known as the Sardine Can). Laid end to end and side by side 500 people can comfortably sleep. Flat rate of $100 per head (because there are no beds).
Showers and Toilets
There will be one outhouse with one toilet exactly one mile from the domes to accommodate all guests. Sorry, no hot water or showers. Please bring snow shoes during the snow season.
Heat/Air Conditioning
New "Green" Climate control system keeps the domes at a fresh and crisp 45 degrees during the winter and a soothing 95 degrees during our whopping two weeks of summer.
Quiet Hours
Sorry No More Quiet Hours. We strongly encourage all night chanting. Also loud snorers stay for free. The acoustics of the domes richly enhance loud and bellowing snorers (earplugs forbidden). It’s kinda like whale sounds, just not as relaxing.
Membership Program
Membership prices have been gently nudged up to $10,000 per person. Membership still gives you a whopping 10% off some bookstore items and 10% off of lodging on select weekends. Please do not call us for details. Many restrictions apply.
Food/Dining
Meals will no longer be served at Song of the Morning. This new and exciting policy will produce a new generation of breatharians. To compensate, every evening there will be 4 hours of energization exercises led by Bob Korb.
Also, we are opening a new "green" restaurant called the Breatharian Bistro. Of course, no food is served, but the atmosphere is terrific. We ask that you do not disturb those patrons with a closepin on their nose. They are fasting and probably desire to be left alone.
Daily Routine for Guests
Rise and Shine is 3 a.m.! Bob "The Hitman" Raymer (affectionately, Baba) will personally awaken each guest with his powerful shaktipat crystal. After each person receives a rise and shine blow to the head, Baba will then lead one hour of step aerobics followed by a 30 second meditation - then it’s off to work, sports fans! Heigh-ho!
We require a modest 12 hours of selfless service (with a 3 minute breathing break) as part of your Song of the Morning experience. Tom "The Slave Driver" Moser will be your supervisor. And because we have over 800 acres of dirt or snow (not to mention lots of wood), there is ALWAYS Plenty of work to be done.
Immediately after work is a 4 hour period of energization exercises. If you don't like 'em, don’t worry, you'll learn to! Then we will close the day by spending 4 hours in the breathless state. We don't care if you are in Nirvikalpa Samadhi or Sabikalpa Samadhi (the food is better in one realm, I’m not telling which!). The important thing is that you are absolutely forbidden to move or breathe during this 4 hour period. Those failing to comply will be dealt with swiftly and firmly - NO EXCEPTIONS! This is a yoga retreat for REAL Yogis, not sissies and girlie men.
Then it’s down to the center dome for 3 hours of refreshing interrupted sleep on our new extra hardwood floors (ok, its concrete painted brown, you do what you have to!)
Weekend Retreats
I know you're asking yourself, "When does one find time to participate in the weekend retreats?" The answer is - there is no time. Let me explain. Just a little bit of your time and money allows one staff member to attend a weekend workshop. In return, you will receive a picture of your sponsored staff person with a personal handwritten letter of thanks. And the price is no more than a year of Starbucks gourmet latte.
Our New Maybe there is, maybe there isn't policy
We absolutely will not guarantee a damn thing.
We do, however, answer the phones on February 29th from 3:00am - 3:03am Greenwich Time if you want to talk to a supervisor (though we can't guarantee they'll be in). Also you have to be in Greenwich (eating a Green Sandwich) to ensure we’ll answer!
Upcoming Retreats
Mushroom Hunt and Vision Quest weekend led by psychedelic guru Betty Howard. Betty will teach us the difference between good morrels and bad morrels.
All new SALT WATER BLOWOUT weekend with Mike Wyman. Mike will guide us on an experiential tour of salt water baths, salt water enemas, the best salt water taffy, and of course lots of salt water to drink. The weekend will be concluded with a salt water funneling contest. Please bring plenty of extra clean underwear. Mike tells us not to underestimate the power of the force.
Dark Night of the Soul Retreat
A group of well trained Black Magicians and Sorcerors will invoke and painlessly introduce various entities, discarnates and dark force energies deep into the tissues of each participant. Smoking, drinking, drugs and junk food is strongly encouraged. Also, it helps if you are already an extra large medium (channel).
Yoga humor? I dunno, that's a stretch.
As a certified yoga teacher, I was qualified to teach classes at Song of the Morning and even on my own. I always tried to incorporate a little bit of humor. For example, I would make humorous poses on the handouts...Below is one example... Notice the last column is all humorous. Are you cracking up yet?
I would say things to tout the benefits of yoga like:
stretchers will never need stretchers
Yoga will help you be more flexible in life
One of my favorite ways to start a yoga class was to get people to do the four poses below trying to act serious that each one was actually a yoga position. THEN - I would go over to my radio saying that I was going to turn on some relaxing yoga music, BUT instead I turned on “YMCA” by the Village People. Nothing like disco to break the tension!
THIS WAS ALWAYS a HIT and we would all start dancing. It’s actually good for getting "warmed up" and get the blood moving AT THE BEGINNING of a class... Do not do at the end. “Namaste” and “Macho Man” make terrible bedfellows! In yoga class, I found that the humor is best received towards the beginning / middle because near the end people want to go into serious relaxation.
I would say things to tout the benefits of yoga like:
stretchers will never need stretchers
Yoga will help you be more flexible in life
One of my favorite ways to start a yoga class was to get people to do the four poses below trying to act serious that each one was actually a yoga position. THEN - I would go over to my radio saying that I was going to turn on some relaxing yoga music, BUT instead I turned on “YMCA” by the Village People. Nothing like disco to break the tension!
THIS WAS ALWAYS a HIT and we would all start dancing. It’s actually good for getting "warmed up" and get the blood moving AT THE BEGINNING of a class... Do not do at the end. “Namaste” and “Macho Man” make terrible bedfellows! In yoga class, I found that the humor is best received towards the beginning / middle because near the end people want to go into serious relaxation.
Humorous Yoga Postures
Some postures are animals like the cobra, camel, lion pose, etc. I would use various jokes related to those animals or poses. See my chapter on animal jokes and use your favorite ones (or get creative).
For example, for the Camel Pose, I would say if you master this pose, you can go for long durations without water. But only in the Sahara.
Yoga Poses to Awaken Your Inner Animal (Humor) – For some reason when I think of these, Prince’s “When Doves Cry” dances through my head: “Animals strike curious poses…”
Camel Pose (Ustrasana) -
Cobra Pose (Bhujangasana) -
Downward Dog (Adho Mukha Svanasana)
Cat Pose (Marjaryasana)
Cow Pose and cow face pose (Bitilasana & Gomukhasana)
Fish Pose (Matsyasana)
Tortoise Pose (Kurmasana)
Peacock Pose (Mayurasana)
Frog Pose (Bhekasana)
Lion Pose (Simhasana)
Monkey Pose (Hanumanasana)
Horse Pose (Vatayanasana)
Rabbit Pose (Sasangasana)
Disco Duck Pose (I made that one up!)
At the end I would say ... We're "Down to the final stretch".
Q: What's the hardest yoga pose to master?
A: Corpse Pose. You only get it right once.
Some postures are animals like the cobra, camel, lion pose, etc. I would use various jokes related to those animals or poses. See my chapter on animal jokes and use your favorite ones (or get creative).
For example, for the Camel Pose, I would say if you master this pose, you can go for long durations without water. But only in the Sahara.
Yoga Poses to Awaken Your Inner Animal (Humor) – For some reason when I think of these, Prince’s “When Doves Cry” dances through my head: “Animals strike curious poses…”
Camel Pose (Ustrasana) -
Cobra Pose (Bhujangasana) -
Downward Dog (Adho Mukha Svanasana)
Cat Pose (Marjaryasana)
Cow Pose and cow face pose (Bitilasana & Gomukhasana)
Fish Pose (Matsyasana)
Tortoise Pose (Kurmasana)
Peacock Pose (Mayurasana)
Frog Pose (Bhekasana)
Lion Pose (Simhasana)
Monkey Pose (Hanumanasana)
Horse Pose (Vatayanasana)
Rabbit Pose (Sasangasana)
Disco Duck Pose (I made that one up!)
At the end I would say ... We're "Down to the final stretch".
Q: What's the hardest yoga pose to master?
A: Corpse Pose. You only get it right once.
LaughFest Weekend
As if this wasn’t funny enough, would you believe that at the Song of the Morning, I was in charge of putting on, with my friend Eric, a whole weekend festival devoted to comedy?
The Culmination of All My Fun and Laughter at Song of the Morning. This was not Just a skit, But A FULL Weekend Retreat! Eric, being a musician, added funny songs to all the bits I have talked about in this chapter. We also did an hour of OSHO meditation and really blew the roof off the sucka with laughter. It’s amazing how contagious laughter is! Synergy is the comedian’s greatest friend! Make one or two people laugh, and it catches on…
Here are some things on that weekend program:
Funny Yoga in the Morning - Actually turned up the jokes and humor a notch!
Fun and Funny Songs - Eric had a laughter song where the chorus was “OOh, Ooh, EEh, EEh, Ha Ha Ha” – Bob Dylan, he ain’t! More like early Sting (“De Doo Doo Doo, De Da Da Da”!)
Group Laughter Meditation (See below).
Comedy Skit at Night - Eric and I did a few comedy skits.
And sharing and telling of jokes
Everyone received a free copy of my joke book at the time called "HA!". That's the one Victor helped me write (and don't worry all those best jokes are in this volume).
Now, I have something Osho important and funny to interject here! It’s called…
The Culmination of All My Fun and Laughter at Song of the Morning. This was not Just a skit, But A FULL Weekend Retreat! Eric, being a musician, added funny songs to all the bits I have talked about in this chapter. We also did an hour of OSHO meditation and really blew the roof off the sucka with laughter. It’s amazing how contagious laughter is! Synergy is the comedian’s greatest friend! Make one or two people laugh, and it catches on…
Here are some things on that weekend program:
Funny Yoga in the Morning - Actually turned up the jokes and humor a notch!
Fun and Funny Songs - Eric had a laughter song where the chorus was “OOh, Ooh, EEh, EEh, Ha Ha Ha” – Bob Dylan, he ain’t! More like early Sting (“De Doo Doo Doo, De Da Da Da”!)
Group Laughter Meditation (See below).
Comedy Skit at Night - Eric and I did a few comedy skits.
And sharing and telling of jokes
Everyone received a free copy of my joke book at the time called "HA!". That's the one Victor helped me write (and don't worry all those best jokes are in this volume).
Now, I have something Osho important and funny to interject here! It’s called…
Osho Laughter Meditation
This practice helps you to start enjoying the small things of life - childlike, liquid, mirror-like. The first stage involves giggling and laughing (you can do that, right?), while the second stage allows you to “earth yourself.” Energized by all this, your dance in the last stage will have a different quality.
While sitting silently, create a giggle in the very guts of your being, as if your whole body is giggling, laughing, howling. Start swaying with that laughter; let it spread from the belly to the whole of your body: hands laughing, feet laughing. Go crazily into it. For twenty minutes, do the laughing. If it comes uproariously, loudly, allow it. If it comes silently, then do it silently at times, loudly at others - but spend twenty minutes laughing. Then lie down on the earth or on the floor; spread yourself on the floor, facing the floor. If it is warm and you can do it in the garden, on the soil, that’s ideal; if you can do it naked, even better even better (THAT got your attention!) Make contact with the earth, your whole body lying down there on the earth, and just feel that the earth is the mother and you are the child. Get lost in that feeling. Feel the mind, body, soul, laughter, earth connection!
So do twenty minutes of laughter, followed by twenty minutes earthing. This forges a deep contact with the earth. Breathe with the earth. Feel as one with the earth. Remember, we come from the earth and one day we will be going back to it. Those twenty minutes energizing are amazing because the earth will give so much energy that your dancing will have a different quality to it. Dance for twenty minutes. Put music on and let loose. “YMCA,” “When Doves Cry,” “I Feel The Earth Move,” whatever!
If it is difficult, or if it’s cold out, then you can do this inside a room – but if it’s sunny, do it outside. If it is very cold (North Michiganders, hear this!), cover yourself with a blanket. Find ways and means but continue to do it, and within six to eight months you will see great changes happening on their own.
Here’s a cryptic line: Osho is The Sun behind the Sun behind the Sun. (Try to figure it out!)
While sitting silently, create a giggle in the very guts of your being, as if your whole body is giggling, laughing, howling. Start swaying with that laughter; let it spread from the belly to the whole of your body: hands laughing, feet laughing. Go crazily into it. For twenty minutes, do the laughing. If it comes uproariously, loudly, allow it. If it comes silently, then do it silently at times, loudly at others - but spend twenty minutes laughing. Then lie down on the earth or on the floor; spread yourself on the floor, facing the floor. If it is warm and you can do it in the garden, on the soil, that’s ideal; if you can do it naked, even better even better (THAT got your attention!) Make contact with the earth, your whole body lying down there on the earth, and just feel that the earth is the mother and you are the child. Get lost in that feeling. Feel the mind, body, soul, laughter, earth connection!
So do twenty minutes of laughter, followed by twenty minutes earthing. This forges a deep contact with the earth. Breathe with the earth. Feel as one with the earth. Remember, we come from the earth and one day we will be going back to it. Those twenty minutes energizing are amazing because the earth will give so much energy that your dancing will have a different quality to it. Dance for twenty minutes. Put music on and let loose. “YMCA,” “When Doves Cry,” “I Feel The Earth Move,” whatever!
If it is difficult, or if it’s cold out, then you can do this inside a room – but if it’s sunny, do it outside. If it is very cold (North Michiganders, hear this!), cover yourself with a blanket. Find ways and means but continue to do it, and within six to eight months you will see great changes happening on their own.
Here’s a cryptic line: Osho is The Sun behind the Sun behind the Sun. (Try to figure it out!)
Briefly - Some Other Skits and Humorous Things
My Four Years at Song of the Morning were filled with many examples and skits of humor and laughter. I can't share them all in detail but briefly, here were a few others we performed:
Ascended Master Gas
Super Colon Blow - a funny skit on a cereal that got your bowels moving
Om Bar - Skit that humorized a prop for meditation called the om bar.... Though I did a twist and made it like a health "bar" - like a granola bar, but one that when eat allows you to hear the “om.”
Yoti Bear and Boo Boo Breath - Funny Skit that humorized a meditation techique the jyoti mudra.
Urine Therapy Skit (Your in Therapy)
Emcee for Music Concert - Music Jokes and Played Funny Music (complex piece on electronic piano).
Fart Machine
Ascended Master Gas
Super Colon Blow - a funny skit on a cereal that got your bowels moving
Om Bar - Skit that humorized a prop for meditation called the om bar.... Though I did a twist and made it like a health "bar" - like a granola bar, but one that when eat allows you to hear the “om.”
Yoti Bear and Boo Boo Breath - Funny Skit that humorized a meditation techique the jyoti mudra.
Urine Therapy Skit (Your in Therapy)
Emcee for Music Concert - Music Jokes and Played Funny Music (complex piece on electronic piano).
Fart Machine
Humor as a Coping Mechanism
If you leave the reading experience of this book with no other pearls of silliness or wisdom, please remember this one thing: We have all heard meditation and prayer is great for relaxation and the stress of life’s problems, but so is humor - making it a valid "spritual" practice!
Researchers have discovered that people who routinely use humor to cope with the problems in their lives are generally less anxious and stressed than others.
(13)
Laughter also increases our general psychological well-being. People who laugh more are much happier, and more satisified with their lives, than others.
(14)
Researchers have discovered that people who routinely use humor to cope with the problems in their lives are generally less anxious and stressed than others.
(13)
Laughter also increases our general psychological well-being. People who laugh more are much happier, and more satisified with their lives, than others.
(14)
Humor onto others as they would Humor onto you
Human Bonding is the essence of spirituality as manifested on this earth. Humor helps to dissolve the barriers such as race, creed, caste, color, sexual preference, etc. Humor has 60% of the letters of the word “Human” and appropriately so...Humor allows us to laugh together as brothers and sisters of the human race. Even quantum physics and entanglement shows very clearly we are all connected. We live in a connected universe and the cosmic joke is on US, so we may as well laugh!
Here is some research that proves Humor helps us to bond and feel more connected.
People who laugh more tend to be liked more by their friends.
(16)
Teachers who use humor are liked more by their students.
(17)
Groups of employees who laugh together are more productive than those who are more serious.
(18)
Employees enjoy their jobs more when their supervisors have a good sense of humor.
(19)
The effects of laughter extend far beyond friendship and the workplace. People who laugh more are seen as more attractive and tend to form more intimate relationships with others.
So laughter is good for your love life, too! And middle aged dating is pretty ridiculous and comical too! Hey how did that get in this chapter??
(20)
(footnotes in laughlab)
Here is some research that proves Humor helps us to bond and feel more connected.
People who laugh more tend to be liked more by their friends.
(16)
Teachers who use humor are liked more by their students.
(17)
Groups of employees who laugh together are more productive than those who are more serious.
(18)
Employees enjoy their jobs more when their supervisors have a good sense of humor.
(19)
The effects of laughter extend far beyond friendship and the workplace. People who laugh more are seen as more attractive and tend to form more intimate relationships with others.
So laughter is good for your love life, too! And middle aged dating is pretty ridiculous and comical too! Hey how did that get in this chapter??
(20)
(footnotes in laughlab)
Spiritual, But Not Religious Jokes
Ok, so now that you know about the inspiring connections between your funny bone and your soul, your ability to laugh and the joy of connecting easily with people, let’s see if actual jokes about religion and spirituality can make us laugh. More and more people are identifying as “spiritual, but not religious” – which probably means less dogma to prevent you from appreciating the potential for comedy in the quest for truth and God. If your way of experiencing God includes fun and laughter, so much the better!
Like your perception of physical and spiritual reality, your spiritual humor BEGINS and ENDS with the Mind - so all the psychological research on humor comes in handy here.
Before we dive in, let’s accept the fact that meditation is about losing your mind. Not in the way that makes you need a straightjacket, but in your ability to relax, shut out the world for a spell, and let your problems go.
Mindset is about setting your mind on what you want and staying positive as much as Life allows…and jokes (the ones I’m sharing and a million others!) can be a tool towards that!
I know that sounds simple, and when I completely figure it out, I will let you know. That’s the joy of spiritual pursuit – it’s all about new discoveries along the journey, not set doctrinal end zones!
But at least I have my spiritual humor, stuffed into my suitcase along the path of enlightenment, which I will share with you in the next two sections. To be fair to both parts of the world – because we want balance in all things, right? – I include both Eastern Humor (Hinduism, Buddhism , etc) and Western Humor (Christianity, Catholicism, Protestantism, Judaism and that other one whom the government won’t let me mention: Sorta rhymes with cousin).
ADD - I was raised and confirmed a methodist, studied the worlds religions and really was drawn to eastern religions, philoshopies and yoga/meditation.
Like your perception of physical and spiritual reality, your spiritual humor BEGINS and ENDS with the Mind - so all the psychological research on humor comes in handy here.
Before we dive in, let’s accept the fact that meditation is about losing your mind. Not in the way that makes you need a straightjacket, but in your ability to relax, shut out the world for a spell, and let your problems go.
Mindset is about setting your mind on what you want and staying positive as much as Life allows…and jokes (the ones I’m sharing and a million others!) can be a tool towards that!
I know that sounds simple, and when I completely figure it out, I will let you know. That’s the joy of spiritual pursuit – it’s all about new discoveries along the journey, not set doctrinal end zones!
But at least I have my spiritual humor, stuffed into my suitcase along the path of enlightenment, which I will share with you in the next two sections. To be fair to both parts of the world – because we want balance in all things, right? – I include both Eastern Humor (Hinduism, Buddhism , etc) and Western Humor (Christianity, Catholicism, Protestantism, Judaism and that other one whom the government won’t let me mention: Sorta rhymes with cousin).
ADD - I was raised and confirmed a methodist, studied the worlds religions and really was drawn to eastern religions, philoshopies and yoga/meditation.
