An oxymoron is a figure of speech which contains words that seem contradictory to one another. This incongruity can be accidental or deliberate, as in cases of humor. Since these phrases can come up in conversation, it provides yet another opportunity for a chuckle.

Oxymorons for Dummies

Act naturally
Happily married
Microsoft Works
Holy war
Found missing
Resident alien
Minor Catastrophe
Affordable housing
Near miss
Great depression
Canadian army
Phone sex
United nations
Advanced BASIC
Genuine imitation
Death benefits
Airline Food
Women's rights
Good grief
Same difference
Almost exactly
Sensitive man
Government organization
Everything except
Civil War
Good kid
Sanitary landfill
Alone together
Legally drunk
Silent scream
British fashion
Living dead
Small crowd
Business ethics
Soft rock
Butt Head
Military Intelligence
Software documentation
New York culture
New classic
Sweet sorrow
Childproof
"Now, then"
Synthetic natural gas
Christian Scientists
Passive aggressive
Taped live
Clearly misunderstood
Peace force
Extinct Life
Temporary tax increase
New and improved
Computer jock
Plastic glasses
Terribly pleased
Computer security
Political science
Tight slacks
Definite maybe
Pretty ugly
Twelve-ounce pound cake
Diet ice cream
Rap music
Working vacation
Exact estimate
Religious tolerance
Freezer Burn
Honest Politician
Jumbo Shrimp
Loners Club
Postal Service

Funny Oxymoron Quotes

I am a deeply superficial person. - Andy Warhol
Of course I can keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t keep them. - Anthony Haden-Guest
She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on. - Arthur Baer
I distinctly remember forgetting that. - Clara Barton
You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap. - Dolly Parton
The budget was unlimited, but I exceeded it. - Donald Trump
I have a terrible memory. I never forget a thing. - Edith Konecky
I hate people but I love gatherings. - Edna St. Vincent Millay
Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. - George Bernard Shaw
Always be sincere, even when you don’t mean it. - Irene Peter
Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. - Josh Billings
We must believe in free will. We have no choice. - Isaac B. Singer
I can resist everything but temptation. - Mark Twain
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. - Mark Twain
I can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible. - Oscar Wilde
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - W.C. Fields
I always avoid prophesying beforehand because it is much better to prophesy after the event has already taken place. - Winston Churchill
I never said most of the things I said. - Yogi Berra