"You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing."--Michael Pritchard
“Laughter is a form of jogging of the innards”
- Norman Cousins
A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.
Henry Ward Beecher
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.
Flip Wilson
“Good Humor is the Health of the Soul”
Lord Chesterfield
“Laughter is a form of jogging of the innards”
- Norman Cousins
A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.
Henry Ward Beecher
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.
Flip Wilson
“Good Humor is the Health of the Soul”
Lord Chesterfield
H = Health
OK, now to recap H-U-M-O-R in all areas of life. I want to make sure you’re paying attention, so here’s the breakdown once again, brought to you in glorious stream of consciousness, jazzy improvisational text.
Gimme an H! Gimme a U, Gimme an M…Go Team! (Cue funny marching band fight song…)
Gimme an H! Gimme a U, Gimme an M…Go Team! (Cue funny marching band fight song…)
To Recap H-U-M-O-R in all the areas of life.
H= Health/Fitness
U = YOU! Get used to making fun of yourself.
M= Meditation/Mindset/Spirituality
O= Occupation/Work/Relationships
R= Recreation/Recess/Relationships
This chapter is the H in Humor for your HEALTH. I want to share with you some examples of how I used humor in my 4-5 years working at health food stores, doing lectures on health, nutritional counseling, writing articles for a leading health magazine AND hosting my OWN TV show on health called Forever young. Most importantly, I'll be like a surrogate Patch Adams to help you laugh more and live longer and pain free. If you have an existing health problem, vitamin L (laughter) is the best medicine and I share some research to prove my point.
My vision is to start a new movement across the globe. And to do your duty you must have at least two-three movements a day as to maintain Regular Hilarity.
If you don't then we advise taking a good Laughsative so you can prevent constant impatience. If that does not work try listening to Beethoven's second movement (his #2 Symphony) and that should put you at peace.
Butt Seriously, After I started using humor more and collected jokes living at a yoga retreat center, I realized I actually needed to start working. Having a bachelors degree in Physics is not the wisest decision for a major, so I decided to look into graduate school. I did begin preparing for graduate school, but I was still living near song of the morning and needed immediate work.
I found a job at a local health food store, AND I also started writing articles for one of the largest alternative magazines in Michigan (at the time) called the Healing Garden Journal. I used a very playful and humorous approach to my articles which readers enjoyed... It was funny AND informative at the same time. Here is a few examples of the titles of the articles You can get a glimpse of the opportunities for humor using those titles.
H= Health/Fitness
U = YOU! Get used to making fun of yourself.
M= Meditation/Mindset/Spirituality
O= Occupation/Work/Relationships
R= Recreation/Recess/Relationships
This chapter is the H in Humor for your HEALTH. I want to share with you some examples of how I used humor in my 4-5 years working at health food stores, doing lectures on health, nutritional counseling, writing articles for a leading health magazine AND hosting my OWN TV show on health called Forever young. Most importantly, I'll be like a surrogate Patch Adams to help you laugh more and live longer and pain free. If you have an existing health problem, vitamin L (laughter) is the best medicine and I share some research to prove my point.
My vision is to start a new movement across the globe. And to do your duty you must have at least two-three movements a day as to maintain Regular Hilarity.
If you don't then we advise taking a good Laughsative so you can prevent constant impatience. If that does not work try listening to Beethoven's second movement (his #2 Symphony) and that should put you at peace.
Butt Seriously, After I started using humor more and collected jokes living at a yoga retreat center, I realized I actually needed to start working. Having a bachelors degree in Physics is not the wisest decision for a major, so I decided to look into graduate school. I did begin preparing for graduate school, but I was still living near song of the morning and needed immediate work.
I found a job at a local health food store, AND I also started writing articles for one of the largest alternative magazines in Michigan (at the time) called the Healing Garden Journal. I used a very playful and humorous approach to my articles which readers enjoyed... It was funny AND informative at the same time. Here is a few examples of the titles of the articles You can get a glimpse of the opportunities for humor using those titles.
Smirk Manual
What ever happened to preparations A-G?
Indigestion Jones in the Temple of Montezuma’s Revenge
Sugarless Holmes/Homes and the Case of the Baskin Robbers
The McMatrix
It's a bird, its a plane, no it's spirulina
Let it Bee, Let it Bee Pollen
Wheatgrass Miracle on 34th Street
How Peter Pan lost his Youth in Jiff
The Breatharian Buffet
Tyger and Rebounding
And Many Others
I will share the first two here, and the others you can find on my website
When I wrote these articles, I would always BEGIN by brainstorming jokes and one-liners for the topic. Below is my first Master Brainstorming Sheet.
I would write all these humorous one liners, research the topic and put it all together in a FUN and Informative way usually with a master theme.
What ever happened to preparations A-G?
Indigestion Jones in the Temple of Montezuma’s Revenge
Sugarless Holmes/Homes and the Case of the Baskin Robbers
The McMatrix
It's a bird, its a plane, no it's spirulina
Let it Bee, Let it Bee Pollen
Wheatgrass Miracle on 34th Street
How Peter Pan lost his Youth in Jiff
The Breatharian Buffet
Tyger and Rebounding
And Many Others
I will share the first two here, and the others you can find on my website
When I wrote these articles, I would always BEGIN by brainstorming jokes and one-liners for the topic. Below is my first Master Brainstorming Sheet.
I would write all these humorous one liners, research the topic and put it all together in a FUN and Informative way usually with a master theme.
Brainstorming Page of Mine for My First Articles
In Case You Can't Read This Here are Some Example One-Liners...
Some thoughts for food
Don't insalt your body (cut down on salt, especially processed salt).
Eating Salads will Give you a New Leaf on Life
Start De-ciding, that is decide to remove pesti-cides, herbi-cides, funga-cides, etc... Today!
Organic Transplant, Throw away all non-organic food and buy ONLY organic (and non GMO)
You're Grounded! Get connected to the earth
Smoothy Sailing - Life is easy when you have a nutritious morning smoothy.
Beware of the FPI (Food Processing Industry) - They use Artificial Intelligence (AI) in their food.. Articifical colors, artificial flavors, artificial preservatives, additives... a lot of artificial sh!#
Preparation H20 - The best solution for your health because it will solvent all your problems
Don't Get Down on Your Dumps ==> Be a Regular Kind of Guy
Don't Cut the Cheese and Prune the Refined Flours (avoid bread and cheese).
Macroroni-biotic cooking - too much bread and cheese products (pizza, sandwich with cheese, macroni and cheese,etc.
Drop Aciddophilus in your belly
Are you overworked and under-played
Water - drink your problems away
Don't get irritated, get irrigated (drink more water)
Exercise your rights (and your lefts too)
Exercise is a breath of fresh air
Exercise gets you pooped out (its a great natural cathartic)
Be a lymphomaniac - keep your lymph health (skin brushing, rebounding, whole body vibration, massage, drink plenty of water, deep breathing, exercise)
Strechers don't need stretchers (benefits of stretching/yoga)
Supplemental health insurance (invest in good supplements to insure you'll stay healthy).
Just a few examples... You'll see how I use some of those in my articles below...
Some thoughts for food
Don't insalt your body (cut down on salt, especially processed salt).
Eating Salads will Give you a New Leaf on Life
Start De-ciding, that is decide to remove pesti-cides, herbi-cides, funga-cides, etc... Today!
Organic Transplant, Throw away all non-organic food and buy ONLY organic (and non GMO)
You're Grounded! Get connected to the earth
Smoothy Sailing - Life is easy when you have a nutritious morning smoothy.
Beware of the FPI (Food Processing Industry) - They use Artificial Intelligence (AI) in their food.. Articifical colors, artificial flavors, artificial preservatives, additives... a lot of artificial sh!#
Preparation H20 - The best solution for your health because it will solvent all your problems
Don't Get Down on Your Dumps ==> Be a Regular Kind of Guy
Don't Cut the Cheese and Prune the Refined Flours (avoid bread and cheese).
Macroroni-biotic cooking - too much bread and cheese products (pizza, sandwich with cheese, macroni and cheese,etc.
Drop Aciddophilus in your belly
Are you overworked and under-played
Water - drink your problems away
Don't get irritated, get irrigated (drink more water)
Exercise your rights (and your lefts too)
Exercise is a breath of fresh air
Exercise gets you pooped out (its a great natural cathartic)
Be a lymphomaniac - keep your lymph health (skin brushing, rebounding, whole body vibration, massage, drink plenty of water, deep breathing, exercise)
Strechers don't need stretchers (benefits of stretching/yoga)
Supplemental health insurance (invest in good supplements to insure you'll stay healthy).
Just a few examples... You'll see how I use some of those in my articles below...
Exhibit #1 - Laughter as Medication
As an example of how to educate and "humorate" at the same time, I want to share with you two articles that are fun, funny, and informative. Speaking of my new word humorate, it reminds me of a joke.
What did Zero say to number Eight?
sigh
"Nice belt."
To humorate is to add humor to something. I hope it catches, because laughter CAN be very contagious.
The First is my article on laughter as medicine that serves the dual purpose of both an example on how to "humorate" an article while being informative AND this article ACTUALLY will teach you how laughter is the "jest" medicine with research to prove it!
What did Zero say to number Eight?
sigh
"Nice belt."
To humorate is to add humor to something. I hope it catches, because laughter CAN be very contagious.
The First is my article on laughter as medicine that serves the dual purpose of both an example on how to "humorate" an article while being informative AND this article ACTUALLY will teach you how laughter is the "jest" medicine with research to prove it!
The Smirk Manual - Your Definitive Guide To How You Can Die Laughing and Live Longer!
Hold the Mayo Clinic (Using Laughter as Medicine)
By Dr. Jester Chuckle, M.D., D.O., B.O., B.S., E.I.E.I.O
Welcome to Hold the Mayo Clinic, where our motto is “If you die laughing, you’ll live longer”. Our trick-or-treatment is simper. Use laughter to trick the patients into forgetting they had a serious disease, and treat-mint is to treat them with lots of mints so they always maintain fresh breath while telling jokes. We believe that man has a material body (to get more material) and a humor body that laughs at the material. First our patients learn the theory of humor, then they put it into practice.
We have them study a text used by all our doctors called The Red Skeleton Key to Understanding the Anatomy of the Humors (but first they must master counting to 100 and coloring within the one-liners). This beautiful text pictorially shows the origins of laughter in the human body. Central to this connect the joke, off-coloring book is the Greek theory of the four humors. Studying these bodily humors (yellow bile, black bile or melancholia, phlegm, and George Burns) gives our patients a good sense of humor (actually blood is the fourth humor, not George Burns). The book also carefully draws the all the funny bones, the jocular vein, the jestive system and jestive tract, the fib-ula plus more (crayons not included)!
Our Doctors here also use the Smerck Manuel, which is the world’s authoritative text for diagnosing serious diseases. In fact, Seriousness is the only disease listed so as you can image it’s more of a pamphlet then a book. Butt, behind its simplicity it ends up actually describing the severity of your seriousness. If the patient maintains their current level of diagnosed seriousness, the Smerck Manual gives a prognosis on how long the patient will have until he or she is dead serious.
Once diagnosed, treatment consists of practical jokes, put-downs, tickle-tortures, nuggies, whoopy cushions, one-liners, funny movies, live comedy, plus more. Patients also practice laughter meditation (culminating in a spiritual experience where the patients starts talking in puns), remirthing, Ha-ha yoga, deep belly-laughing, and supplements to restore irony deficiencies. Irony deficiency is a serious matter which requires not just one doctor but a Paradox. We also perform a state-of-the-art surgery that leaves all of our patients in stitches. A strict diet is followed consisting of (fortified) Snickers©, Chuckles©, and Laffy Taffy©.
We don’t let them take their serious problem sitting down; they must do stand-up the whole time here. There are no chairs, no beds and the floors are carefully guarded (standing rooms only). This discipline encourages sleep deprivation which has a funny way of bringing out the giggles. They also travel around the country doing stand-up which is part of their road to recovery.
By Dr. Jester Chuckle, M.D., D.O., B.O., B.S., E.I.E.I.O
Welcome to Hold the Mayo Clinic, where our motto is “If you die laughing, you’ll live longer”. Our trick-or-treatment is simper. Use laughter to trick the patients into forgetting they had a serious disease, and treat-mint is to treat them with lots of mints so they always maintain fresh breath while telling jokes. We believe that man has a material body (to get more material) and a humor body that laughs at the material. First our patients learn the theory of humor, then they put it into practice.
We have them study a text used by all our doctors called The Red Skeleton Key to Understanding the Anatomy of the Humors (but first they must master counting to 100 and coloring within the one-liners). This beautiful text pictorially shows the origins of laughter in the human body. Central to this connect the joke, off-coloring book is the Greek theory of the four humors. Studying these bodily humors (yellow bile, black bile or melancholia, phlegm, and George Burns) gives our patients a good sense of humor (actually blood is the fourth humor, not George Burns). The book also carefully draws the all the funny bones, the jocular vein, the jestive system and jestive tract, the fib-ula plus more (crayons not included)!
Our Doctors here also use the Smerck Manuel, which is the world’s authoritative text for diagnosing serious diseases. In fact, Seriousness is the only disease listed so as you can image it’s more of a pamphlet then a book. Butt, behind its simplicity it ends up actually describing the severity of your seriousness. If the patient maintains their current level of diagnosed seriousness, the Smerck Manual gives a prognosis on how long the patient will have until he or she is dead serious.
Once diagnosed, treatment consists of practical jokes, put-downs, tickle-tortures, nuggies, whoopy cushions, one-liners, funny movies, live comedy, plus more. Patients also practice laughter meditation (culminating in a spiritual experience where the patients starts talking in puns), remirthing, Ha-ha yoga, deep belly-laughing, and supplements to restore irony deficiencies. Irony deficiency is a serious matter which requires not just one doctor but a Paradox. We also perform a state-of-the-art surgery that leaves all of our patients in stitches. A strict diet is followed consisting of (fortified) Snickers©, Chuckles©, and Laffy Taffy©.
We don’t let them take their serious problem sitting down; they must do stand-up the whole time here. There are no chairs, no beds and the floors are carefully guarded (standing rooms only). This discipline encourages sleep deprivation which has a funny way of bringing out the giggles. They also travel around the country doing stand-up which is part of their road to recovery.
Research Proves Laughter is The Jest Medicine
I know you are saying to yourself, “Get serious you bozos, laughter can’t possible cure every serious disease like say, the hiccups, hang-nails, chapped lips, nose and ear hair, and chronic foot odor”. Well, those are serious indeed, but research suggests that laughter can cure even those (except chronic foot odor which there seems to be no cure).
Proof That Laughter Heals (Not on Dogs though)
Modern medical research has shown that laughter has at least seven specific physiological benefits that involve the central nervous, muscular, respiratory, circulatory, endocrine, immune, and cardiovascular systems. First, Dr William Fry from Stanford University has shown that laughter triggers the release of catecholamine and other neurotransmitters that are needed for alertness, memory and overall mental functioning. Next, a good belly-laugh requires the coordinated movement of 15 facial muscles plus the stimulation of other skeletal muscles, especially the chest and abdominal muscles. Research has even shown that the muscles of the gastrointestinal tract are affected so that digestion rate is improved. In addition to the exercise effects, there are muscle relaxation effects that occur during and after laughter. This can break up the spasm-pain cycle some people frequently experience with neuralgias (including fibromyalgia) and rheumatisms.
Respiration is also improved. According to Dr. Fry’s research, a laugh disrupts the normal cyclic breathing pattern, increases ventilation, clears mucous from the chest. It also increases oxygen uptake, and may help conditions such as emphysema, pneumonia and other bronchial infections. Next, laughter benefits the heart and circulation. Like aerobic activity, laughter initially produces an increase in heart rate (HR) and blood pressure, which exercises the myocardium. Dr. Fry claims that several minutes of intense laughter produces results similar to those of exercising on a rowing machine or stationary bicycle for 10-15 minutes. This laughter, like aerobic exercise produces endorphins (this is what creates a runner’s high). This effect has been shown to strengthen the heart and even help cardiac rehabilitation patients. Laughter also helps to decrease stress hormones, which again protects the heart and boosts the immune system. When it comes to the immune system laughter has been shown to boost IgA, NKA (Natural Killer Activity), T-cell ratio, IgG, B-cells, IgM, GM, and IBM (just checking to see if you’re paying attention). Put simply, laughter boosts you’re immune system so you won’t get sick. And finally, laughter decreases pain threshold and tolerance.
It’s worth mentioning the story of Norman Cousins who used humor to help heal ankylosing spondylitis (severe collagen disease where connective tissue of the spine and joints disintegrates). He was given a 1 in 500 chance of recovery. So Cousins surrounded himself with humor books and started watching films of “The Three Stooges” and Marx Brothers”. He improvised a therapeutic humor regime. It decreased his pain and helped him sleep easier without medication. He recounted that “10 minutes of genuine belly laughter had an anesthetic effect and would give me at least two hours of pain free sleep”. When he awoke and felt pain again, he turned on the films again. He continued this “humor therapy” and witnessed gradual improvement. After a few weeks the doctors found that his connective tissue in his joints was regenerating. According to Cousins, he used laughter to heal himself, leading to his total recovery from the disease (he also took megadoses of vitamin C which may have also helped).
Now for the punchline: IF YOU WANT TO LIVE, TO REALLY LIVE, THEN DIE LAUGHING EVERY DAY. ONCE YOU DIE LAUGHING, YOU WILL GO STRAIGHT TO HEALTH!
- Berk L.S., Tan, S.A., Berk, D.B., & Eby, W.C. (1991). Immune system changes associated with laughing, Clinical Research, 39, 124 A.
- Cousins, N. (1976). Anatomy of an illness (as perceived by the patient). New England Journal of Medicine, 295, 1458-1463.
- Cousins, N. (1979). Anatomy of an illness as perceived by the patient. New York: W.W. Norton.
- Fry, W.F., & Rader, C. (1977). "The respiratory components of mirthful laughter." The Journal of Biological Psychology, 19, 39-50.
- Fry, W.F. Jr., (1994). The Biology of Humor. HUMOR: International Journal of Humor Research, 7, 111-126.
Bottom Line: Laughter makes you healthier, more fit, and smarter from a purely physiological point of view. Now that’s powerful stuff!
Think about that for a minute. This aforementioned research is not about subjective experiences or humorous dogma, but ACTUAL physiological responses that can be measured, tested, jested and proven. And we are talking about research being done at STANFORD, JOHNS HOPKINS and other reputable learning institutions! Booyah!!
Proof That Laughter Heals (Not on Dogs though)
Modern medical research has shown that laughter has at least seven specific physiological benefits that involve the central nervous, muscular, respiratory, circulatory, endocrine, immune, and cardiovascular systems. First, Dr William Fry from Stanford University has shown that laughter triggers the release of catecholamine and other neurotransmitters that are needed for alertness, memory and overall mental functioning. Next, a good belly-laugh requires the coordinated movement of 15 facial muscles plus the stimulation of other skeletal muscles, especially the chest and abdominal muscles. Research has even shown that the muscles of the gastrointestinal tract are affected so that digestion rate is improved. In addition to the exercise effects, there are muscle relaxation effects that occur during and after laughter. This can break up the spasm-pain cycle some people frequently experience with neuralgias (including fibromyalgia) and rheumatisms.
Respiration is also improved. According to Dr. Fry’s research, a laugh disrupts the normal cyclic breathing pattern, increases ventilation, clears mucous from the chest. It also increases oxygen uptake, and may help conditions such as emphysema, pneumonia and other bronchial infections. Next, laughter benefits the heart and circulation. Like aerobic activity, laughter initially produces an increase in heart rate (HR) and blood pressure, which exercises the myocardium. Dr. Fry claims that several minutes of intense laughter produces results similar to those of exercising on a rowing machine or stationary bicycle for 10-15 minutes. This laughter, like aerobic exercise produces endorphins (this is what creates a runner’s high). This effect has been shown to strengthen the heart and even help cardiac rehabilitation patients. Laughter also helps to decrease stress hormones, which again protects the heart and boosts the immune system. When it comes to the immune system laughter has been shown to boost IgA, NKA (Natural Killer Activity), T-cell ratio, IgG, B-cells, IgM, GM, and IBM (just checking to see if you’re paying attention). Put simply, laughter boosts you’re immune system so you won’t get sick. And finally, laughter decreases pain threshold and tolerance.
It’s worth mentioning the story of Norman Cousins who used humor to help heal ankylosing spondylitis (severe collagen disease where connective tissue of the spine and joints disintegrates). He was given a 1 in 500 chance of recovery. So Cousins surrounded himself with humor books and started watching films of “The Three Stooges” and Marx Brothers”. He improvised a therapeutic humor regime. It decreased his pain and helped him sleep easier without medication. He recounted that “10 minutes of genuine belly laughter had an anesthetic effect and would give me at least two hours of pain free sleep”. When he awoke and felt pain again, he turned on the films again. He continued this “humor therapy” and witnessed gradual improvement. After a few weeks the doctors found that his connective tissue in his joints was regenerating. According to Cousins, he used laughter to heal himself, leading to his total recovery from the disease (he also took megadoses of vitamin C which may have also helped).
Now for the punchline: IF YOU WANT TO LIVE, TO REALLY LIVE, THEN DIE LAUGHING EVERY DAY. ONCE YOU DIE LAUGHING, YOU WILL GO STRAIGHT TO HEALTH!
- Berk L.S., Tan, S.A., Berk, D.B., & Eby, W.C. (1991). Immune system changes associated with laughing, Clinical Research, 39, 124 A.
- Cousins, N. (1976). Anatomy of an illness (as perceived by the patient). New England Journal of Medicine, 295, 1458-1463.
- Cousins, N. (1979). Anatomy of an illness as perceived by the patient. New York: W.W. Norton.
- Fry, W.F., & Rader, C. (1977). "The respiratory components of mirthful laughter." The Journal of Biological Psychology, 19, 39-50.
- Fry, W.F. Jr., (1994). The Biology of Humor. HUMOR: International Journal of Humor Research, 7, 111-126.
Bottom Line: Laughter makes you healthier, more fit, and smarter from a purely physiological point of view. Now that’s powerful stuff!
Think about that for a minute. This aforementioned research is not about subjective experiences or humorous dogma, but ACTUAL physiological responses that can be measured, tested, jested and proven. And we are talking about research being done at STANFORD, JOHNS HOPKINS and other reputable learning institutions! Booyah!!
Exhibit #2 - Literally Exhibit Number Two
My first breakthrough article that started a Movement... literally
What ever happened to preparations A-G? Which I will share in full below just so you can see another example of how to incorporate humor creatively into printed material (articles, books, brochures, etc.). It's makes anything more fun to read when its actually FUN to read. This is why have a large database of jokes is such a treasure, you have a vast laugh reservoir to creatively use in whatever business or profession or hobby you are into.
What I did was take a joke by George Carlin "What ever Happened to Preparations A-G, and turned that punchline into an informative article which received great feedback and helped a lot of people to "a regular kind of guy (or gal)".
What ever happened to preparations A-G? Which I will share in full below just so you can see another example of how to incorporate humor creatively into printed material (articles, books, brochures, etc.). It's makes anything more fun to read when its actually FUN to read. This is why have a large database of jokes is such a treasure, you have a vast laugh reservoir to creatively use in whatever business or profession or hobby you are into.
What I did was take a joke by George Carlin "What ever Happened to Preparations A-G, and turned that punchline into an informative article which received great feedback and helped a lot of people to "a regular kind of guy (or gal)".
What ever happened to preparations A-G?
What ever happened to preparations A-G?
The Lost Rolls of Colon Health
Did you know that the average American has three to four bowel movements a week? Did you also know that America leads the world in colon/rectal cancer and this cancer is the fastest growing form of cancer? The doctors usually recommend surgery for any diseases related to the colon. But who wants to end up with a semicolon. This just ain’t good Body English.
A recent archeological discovery shows us there is an another way out. We’ve all heard of Preparation H, but what ever happened to preparations A-G? Well they just found hidden beneath the Great Sphinxter the Lost Rolls of Colon Health. These extra-soft double ply papers were thought to have been wiped out during WWII. Preparation H was all that survived and it is a very incomplete formula.
Preparation A is acidophilous and other beneficial bacteria. These “good guys” or intestinal flora reside in your gut and play in integral role in digestion, assimilation, production of vitamins and immune system support. They also keep the Candida Albicans fungus in a healthy balance. Now, if you have ANY history of using antibiotics or if you eat a high sugar diet, then it is recommended that you take a good probiotic supplement supplying several billion good bacteria (I recommend PB 8). So start dropping acidophilus (into your belly) and you will feel high, and well cultured.
Preparation B is Bentonite, and other herbs that pull incrusted fecal matter (which I call crustaceans) out of your colon. The average person has about ten pounds of fecal matter that is cemented to the inside of their colons. This results in constipation(latin root meaning constant patient) and autointoxication. Bentonite is electrically charged to remove the “crustaceans”. Other herbs that help are marshmallow root, slippery elm, activated charcoal and fiber (See preparation F). So remove the crustaceans before they harden and clam up you up. They are like barnacles that cling to your colon and make it hard for your ship to move. So if you have Ben-tonite, you’ll be able to go tomorrow.
Preparation C is Casacara Sagrada, Senna, Aloe Vera, and other herbs that increase regularity. It is so important not to get down on your dumps. Having three bowel movements a day is one of the most important ingredients for good health. Casacara sagrada is probably the most powerful natural laxative and it is non-addictive. It contains a compound called imodin that stimulates peristalsis (the wave-like rhythm in your colon). Take as much of these herbs and fibers as is needed to compose three movements a day.
Preparation D is the Diet. A high fiber, low cholesterol diet is recommended by the American Cancer Society, and the American Heart Association to greatly lower your risk of heart disease and cancer. Foods that are high in fiber include basically all fruits, vegetables, whole grains, sprouts, beans, legumes, seeds and nuts. Now meat and dairy products are high in cholesterol and have NO FIBER! These foods clog our pipes and drain our energy. Another Case in point is that the casein protein found in dairy (especially cheese) makes one of the strongest wood glues known to man. Also the lactose sugar in milk and cheese is hard to break down and can produce gas or “dairy air” in the colon. The other colon stopper is white flour, known by the alias WHEAT FLOUR. WHEAT FLOUR IS WHITE FLOUR. It must say 100% Whole Wheat. So in summary, try to cut the cheese and prune the refined flours.
Preparation E is Exercise. Cardiovascular exercise is a great cathartic, because it gets you pooped out. It literally stimulates motion in the colon so you can be a regular kind of guy. So move your butt if you want good movements. Hatha yoga (especially inverted poses) is also wonderful for toning and strengthening the colon.
Preparation F is Fiber. Fiber is one of the most important supplements we can take to create a healthy colon. At least 30 grams a day is recommended. I feel that flax and apple pectin are the two best fibers, but psyllium is also good (just be sure to take psyllium with a lot of water on an empty stomach). Also try oat bran as a hot cereal. It is higher in protein, fiber and nutrients than regular oatmeal. So Flax your Pectin to pump up your bowel muscles and pump out the waste.
Preparation G is GO! This means when you got to GO, for your health’s sake go! We Americans have trained our colons to stop moving. One of the reasons is that from an early age we have been taught that pooping is dirty and improper. The other reason is that bathrooms are becoming more inaccessible or we are just too busy to go.This has resulted in a country full of nervous rectums.
Finally, Preparation H was incorrectly translated. It should have been preparation H, I, J, K, L, M, O. This is known cryptically as H to O or H20 – WATER! Indeed water is the best solution to any colon problem. Drink half your body weight in ounces a day (one gallon = 128 ounces) of distilled or reverse osmosis water.
So now you know the true path to keeping a healthy and clean colon. If you follow these eight commandments, you may go through purge-atory, but in the end you will regularly take your seat on the pearly throne of health. But if you break these commandments, then the bowels of your health will be eternally damned up.
The Lost Rolls of Colon Health
Did you know that the average American has three to four bowel movements a week? Did you also know that America leads the world in colon/rectal cancer and this cancer is the fastest growing form of cancer? The doctors usually recommend surgery for any diseases related to the colon. But who wants to end up with a semicolon. This just ain’t good Body English.
A recent archeological discovery shows us there is an another way out. We’ve all heard of Preparation H, but what ever happened to preparations A-G? Well they just found hidden beneath the Great Sphinxter the Lost Rolls of Colon Health. These extra-soft double ply papers were thought to have been wiped out during WWII. Preparation H was all that survived and it is a very incomplete formula.
Preparation A is acidophilous and other beneficial bacteria. These “good guys” or intestinal flora reside in your gut and play in integral role in digestion, assimilation, production of vitamins and immune system support. They also keep the Candida Albicans fungus in a healthy balance. Now, if you have ANY history of using antibiotics or if you eat a high sugar diet, then it is recommended that you take a good probiotic supplement supplying several billion good bacteria (I recommend PB 8). So start dropping acidophilus (into your belly) and you will feel high, and well cultured.
Preparation B is Bentonite, and other herbs that pull incrusted fecal matter (which I call crustaceans) out of your colon. The average person has about ten pounds of fecal matter that is cemented to the inside of their colons. This results in constipation(latin root meaning constant patient) and autointoxication. Bentonite is electrically charged to remove the “crustaceans”. Other herbs that help are marshmallow root, slippery elm, activated charcoal and fiber (See preparation F). So remove the crustaceans before they harden and clam up you up. They are like barnacles that cling to your colon and make it hard for your ship to move. So if you have Ben-tonite, you’ll be able to go tomorrow.
Preparation C is Casacara Sagrada, Senna, Aloe Vera, and other herbs that increase regularity. It is so important not to get down on your dumps. Having three bowel movements a day is one of the most important ingredients for good health. Casacara sagrada is probably the most powerful natural laxative and it is non-addictive. It contains a compound called imodin that stimulates peristalsis (the wave-like rhythm in your colon). Take as much of these herbs and fibers as is needed to compose three movements a day.
Preparation D is the Diet. A high fiber, low cholesterol diet is recommended by the American Cancer Society, and the American Heart Association to greatly lower your risk of heart disease and cancer. Foods that are high in fiber include basically all fruits, vegetables, whole grains, sprouts, beans, legumes, seeds and nuts. Now meat and dairy products are high in cholesterol and have NO FIBER! These foods clog our pipes and drain our energy. Another Case in point is that the casein protein found in dairy (especially cheese) makes one of the strongest wood glues known to man. Also the lactose sugar in milk and cheese is hard to break down and can produce gas or “dairy air” in the colon. The other colon stopper is white flour, known by the alias WHEAT FLOUR. WHEAT FLOUR IS WHITE FLOUR. It must say 100% Whole Wheat. So in summary, try to cut the cheese and prune the refined flours.
Preparation E is Exercise. Cardiovascular exercise is a great cathartic, because it gets you pooped out. It literally stimulates motion in the colon so you can be a regular kind of guy. So move your butt if you want good movements. Hatha yoga (especially inverted poses) is also wonderful for toning and strengthening the colon.
Preparation F is Fiber. Fiber is one of the most important supplements we can take to create a healthy colon. At least 30 grams a day is recommended. I feel that flax and apple pectin are the two best fibers, but psyllium is also good (just be sure to take psyllium with a lot of water on an empty stomach). Also try oat bran as a hot cereal. It is higher in protein, fiber and nutrients than regular oatmeal. So Flax your Pectin to pump up your bowel muscles and pump out the waste.
Preparation G is GO! This means when you got to GO, for your health’s sake go! We Americans have trained our colons to stop moving. One of the reasons is that from an early age we have been taught that pooping is dirty and improper. The other reason is that bathrooms are becoming more inaccessible or we are just too busy to go.This has resulted in a country full of nervous rectums.
Finally, Preparation H was incorrectly translated. It should have been preparation H, I, J, K, L, M, O. This is known cryptically as H to O or H20 – WATER! Indeed water is the best solution to any colon problem. Drink half your body weight in ounces a day (one gallon = 128 ounces) of distilled or reverse osmosis water.
So now you know the true path to keeping a healthy and clean colon. If you follow these eight commandments, you may go through purge-atory, but in the end you will regularly take your seat on the pearly throne of health. But if you break these commandments, then the bowels of your health will be eternally damned up.
The Fun Continues - Health Show and More
I also incorporated a playful and fun writing style for my first book "Love it or Lose it".
A couple years later, I started hosting a TV show called Forever Young in West Michigan, and did over 40 episodes and tried to incorporate humor in many of the episodes.
Finally, my destiny arrived when I started to become sucessful marketing health and wellness products. After trying 50 mlm companies and being marginally successful in two (Mannatech and Freelife Goji), I was introduced to a colon cleanse called the 3 Day So Easy Cleanse (see www.3daycleanse.com).
First off, my initials are B.M. (Bryant Meyers). Secondly my numerology number is TWO and Uranus is in my midheaven in my chart (considered a powerful position in your chart). Unfortunately it was square or opposed to just about all the other planets (except Jupiter). On top of that its in the house that rules your profession in life and the sign is Aries. I don't know if you know this but Aries sounds like air but its actually fire... And My Uranus is in THAT.
But it was in my cards, what can I do... I have the number 2 in spades, though sometimes it feels like clubs "on the river".
This 3 day colon cleanse really did work for me and hundreds of others I personally worked with. Needless to say I had a field day incorporating humor into a colon cleanse. But seriously a good colon cleanse is VERY healing.
A couple years later, I started hosting a TV show called Forever Young in West Michigan, and did over 40 episodes and tried to incorporate humor in many of the episodes.
Finally, my destiny arrived when I started to become sucessful marketing health and wellness products. After trying 50 mlm companies and being marginally successful in two (Mannatech and Freelife Goji), I was introduced to a colon cleanse called the 3 Day So Easy Cleanse (see www.3daycleanse.com).
First off, my initials are B.M. (Bryant Meyers). Secondly my numerology number is TWO and Uranus is in my midheaven in my chart (considered a powerful position in your chart). Unfortunately it was square or opposed to just about all the other planets (except Jupiter). On top of that its in the house that rules your profession in life and the sign is Aries. I don't know if you know this but Aries sounds like air but its actually fire... And My Uranus is in THAT.
But it was in my cards, what can I do... I have the number 2 in spades, though sometimes it feels like clubs "on the river".
This 3 day colon cleanse really did work for me and hundreds of others I personally worked with. Needless to say I had a field day incorporating humor into a colon cleanse. But seriously a good colon cleanse is VERY healing.
***For Example, Here is a Funny Sample email I sent to about 100 close friends - Interestingly, IT GOT ME A LOT OF SALES!!!
Caveat - These were friends that knew me and my sense of humor, use humor cautiously under the guidance of a Stand Up Comic.
(NOT SURE IF I AM GOING TO ADD THIS)
Hello {Firstname}
Are you constipated and pooped out? Are you tired of being down on your dumps? Are you a nervous rectum, looking to peace on everything.
If so you need to listen closely...
Here is my sermon on the mount speech that will flush out the brown demons and remove bad body English (and B.O. too)forever...Bad body English is what the doctors do to make your colon a semicolon.
Sermon on the Mount:
If you do not do this 3 day colon cleanse, the bowels of your health will be Eternally dammed up.
This is the mother load, the holy grail of removing that "big brown noodle" in your tummy. That's right, you have one too. Poke your belly like the Pillsbury doe boy and you'll hear it giggle back.
For a limited time we are selling the 3 day cleanse for $130. But for you, its $200 ---just kidding, the total with with shipping and handling and bad jokes is ....drum roll
$130 ....that's it. For only $43 a day (just a little more than the price of a gallon of Starbucks coffee) you can let go of "The Mother Load", "The Big Enchilada", or what natural doctors call "Aunt Gertrudes Fudge brownies". Though it has been called the mucous plaque or mucoid plaque by some.
Imagine what you would pay for an intensive 30 day cleanse at the Hippocrates Institute...just to get that damn thing out....probably $3000+++ when its all said and done..And they don't guarantee a big crap like I will.
I am so sure that you will have the biggest dump of your life that I am offering a double your crap back guarantee. If you are not happy, just scoop up your disappointment and express mail it to me and I will happily return DOUBLE your crap...no strings attached, no questions asked...
Hey what do you have to lose except perhaps a big pile of shite.
If you act fast I will include a pack of fresh undies and bathroom wall protection tarp.
If the cost is still too much, try this affirmation:
Everything I eat turns to money and my drawers are full of cash!
O.K. seriously,
The system includes three boxes, one for each day. You basically drink wheatgrass morning and night and three delicious shakes during the day. Honestly (no crap) they are good...Chocolate, strawberry and cereal. They are very thick and when I did it I had good energy and was not hungry...no harsh herbs, no bentonite, no enemas, no colonics
JUST THE MUCOID PLAQUE......BABY!
I went to the bathroom on the fourth day, but no embarrassing stains or squirts the first three days...So carry a digital camera with you in case it happens "out of shop".
I will be starting an online photo gallery. If you could hold it up and smile like those fishing pictures, that would be great.
My guts are great, but I did take a heavy dose of probiotic afterward which seemed to help, but I am not sure it is necessary.
Well, if your rear end is backed up, this is the best insurance I know.
I plan on doing this twice a year, and no more colonics for me, they are a pain in the ass anyway AND this works better!
So relax, drink delicious shakes and "the package" will be delivered and it will certainly be a big splash. Happy crapping!
Here's to taking a load off!
Bombs Away
B.M. (Bryant Meyers)
1313 Big Dump Drive
Flushing, NY 90120
phone: 1-800-590-6979
website: www.3daycleanse.com
P.S.
Remember, sometimes life's a crap shoot, and when it hits the fan, make sure you're prepared.
Are you constipated and pooped out? Are you tired of being down on your dumps? Are you a nervous rectum, looking to peace on everything.
If so you need to listen closely...
Here is my sermon on the mount speech that will flush out the brown demons and remove bad body English (and B.O. too)forever...Bad body English is what the doctors do to make your colon a semicolon.
Sermon on the Mount:
If you do not do this 3 day colon cleanse, the bowels of your health will be Eternally dammed up.
This is the mother load, the holy grail of removing that "big brown noodle" in your tummy. That's right, you have one too. Poke your belly like the Pillsbury doe boy and you'll hear it giggle back.
For a limited time we are selling the 3 day cleanse for $130. But for you, its $200 ---just kidding, the total with with shipping and handling and bad jokes is ....drum roll
$130 ....that's it. For only $43 a day (just a little more than the price of a gallon of Starbucks coffee) you can let go of "The Mother Load", "The Big Enchilada", or what natural doctors call "Aunt Gertrudes Fudge brownies". Though it has been called the mucous plaque or mucoid plaque by some.
Imagine what you would pay for an intensive 30 day cleanse at the Hippocrates Institute...just to get that damn thing out....probably $3000+++ when its all said and done..And they don't guarantee a big crap like I will.
I am so sure that you will have the biggest dump of your life that I am offering a double your crap back guarantee. If you are not happy, just scoop up your disappointment and express mail it to me and I will happily return DOUBLE your crap...no strings attached, no questions asked...
Hey what do you have to lose except perhaps a big pile of shite.
If you act fast I will include a pack of fresh undies and bathroom wall protection tarp.
If the cost is still too much, try this affirmation:
Everything I eat turns to money and my drawers are full of cash!
O.K. seriously,
The system includes three boxes, one for each day. You basically drink wheatgrass morning and night and three delicious shakes during the day. Honestly (no crap) they are good...Chocolate, strawberry and cereal. They are very thick and when I did it I had good energy and was not hungry...no harsh herbs, no bentonite, no enemas, no colonics
JUST THE MUCOID PLAQUE......BABY!
I went to the bathroom on the fourth day, but no embarrassing stains or squirts the first three days...So carry a digital camera with you in case it happens "out of shop".
I will be starting an online photo gallery. If you could hold it up and smile like those fishing pictures, that would be great.
My guts are great, but I did take a heavy dose of probiotic afterward which seemed to help, but I am not sure it is necessary.
Well, if your rear end is backed up, this is the best insurance I know.
I plan on doing this twice a year, and no more colonics for me, they are a pain in the ass anyway AND this works better!
So relax, drink delicious shakes and "the package" will be delivered and it will certainly be a big splash. Happy crapping!
Here's to taking a load off!
Bombs Away
B.M. (Bryant Meyers)
1313 Big Dump Drive
Flushing, NY 90120
phone: 1-800-590-6979
website: www.3daycleanse.com
P.S.
Remember, sometimes life's a crap shoot, and when it hits the fan, make sure you're prepared.
Learn 1000 Jokes and Laugh
One of my health and wellness mentors, Dr Richard Schultze was also BIG on colon cleansing and well known for curing incurable patients. These were people that were basically told to go home and die. He developed a comprehensive program to reverse disease called his "incurables program" AND along with herbal remedies he developed, it contained the followed mandatory items (you could only work with Dr Schultze if you were committed to follow the plan. He had no tolerance for excuses and sympathy (he would say sympathy never gets people well - its between sh!# and syphallis in the dictionary).
Here is his 20 step program and NOTICE number 17. This is one of the reasons I am incorporating 1000 jokes in this book. In fact he would have his patients learn a lot of jokes and do a stand up comedy night where everyone shared their favorites.
That reminds me of a joke of a new organization "Overachievers Anonymous". They have a 28 step program
And if YOU ARE sick, make sure to look into the other 19 as well. Laughter is the best medicine, but when you heal your body from many different levels, a great synergy happens. That reminds me of a joke:
Having sex on an elevator is wrong on so many levels
(but notice its #18 on Dr Schultzes list).
1) Pure water - half your body weight in ounces a day (at least)
2) Pure Fresh Juice - 1 quart everyday (buy a juicer)
3) Eat a clean, healthy and organic diet
4) Eat more live, raw foods
5) Elimination (do a colon cleanse)
6) 5 day cleansing and detoxification program (kidney and liver cleanses)
7) Start walking and breathe more
8) Move more, sweat everyday (invest in a sauna)
9) Hot and cold hydrotherapy
10) Wear only cotton and natural fibers
11) Use all natural soap, shampoo, cleaners, detergents and toothpaste.
12) Stop watching TV, especially the news (or minimize greatly).
13) Throw away or gid rid of 1/3 of what you own
14) Start loving yourself and your life (use positive affirmations
15) Express yourself and get more creative (music, art, poetry, comedy, etc)
16) Help someone everyday
17) Learn 1000 Jokes and LAUGH
18) Have more sex
19) Meditate more, follow your spirit and pray
20) Love, Love and Love more!!!
I would add to that
21) Clear your house of electrosmog
22) Use full spectrum light
23) Invest in a shower filter
24) Buy a PEMF therapy mat like the iMRS 2000
25) Invest in a good infrared sauna
26) Get a good air purifier
27) Walk Barefoot for 30 minutes every day (and get more grounded)
28) Supplement with key nutrients like Vitamin D, Omega 3's, a good full spectrum multiple, etc. And if you cannot afford supplements, look to supplement your income.
I share this because if you are reading this book and you are sick, in pain and if you follow all the advice, congratulations, you're officially a member of overachievers anonymous! And you will seriously be healed of any serious illness, including seriousness.
Here is his 20 step program and NOTICE number 17. This is one of the reasons I am incorporating 1000 jokes in this book. In fact he would have his patients learn a lot of jokes and do a stand up comedy night where everyone shared their favorites.
That reminds me of a joke of a new organization "Overachievers Anonymous". They have a 28 step program
And if YOU ARE sick, make sure to look into the other 19 as well. Laughter is the best medicine, but when you heal your body from many different levels, a great synergy happens. That reminds me of a joke:
Having sex on an elevator is wrong on so many levels
(but notice its #18 on Dr Schultzes list).
1) Pure water - half your body weight in ounces a day (at least)
2) Pure Fresh Juice - 1 quart everyday (buy a juicer)
3) Eat a clean, healthy and organic diet
4) Eat more live, raw foods
5) Elimination (do a colon cleanse)
6) 5 day cleansing and detoxification program (kidney and liver cleanses)
7) Start walking and breathe more
8) Move more, sweat everyday (invest in a sauna)
9) Hot and cold hydrotherapy
10) Wear only cotton and natural fibers
11) Use all natural soap, shampoo, cleaners, detergents and toothpaste.
12) Stop watching TV, especially the news (or minimize greatly).
13) Throw away or gid rid of 1/3 of what you own
14) Start loving yourself and your life (use positive affirmations
15) Express yourself and get more creative (music, art, poetry, comedy, etc)
16) Help someone everyday
17) Learn 1000 Jokes and LAUGH
18) Have more sex
19) Meditate more, follow your spirit and pray
20) Love, Love and Love more!!!
I would add to that
21) Clear your house of electrosmog
22) Use full spectrum light
23) Invest in a shower filter
24) Buy a PEMF therapy mat like the iMRS 2000
25) Invest in a good infrared sauna
26) Get a good air purifier
27) Walk Barefoot for 30 minutes every day (and get more grounded)
28) Supplement with key nutrients like Vitamin D, Omega 3's, a good full spectrum multiple, etc. And if you cannot afford supplements, look to supplement your income.
I share this because if you are reading this book and you are sick, in pain and if you follow all the advice, congratulations, you're officially a member of overachievers anonymous! And you will seriously be healed of any serious illness, including seriousness.
Doctors are a Joke and Jokes about Doctors.
To inspire you to stay out of the hospital - which includes LAUGHING more to boost your immune system and keep your heart healthy - I have found some of the funniest , bone tickling, clean jokes about doctors AND also food... I include food to inspire you to laugh while eating healthy ... But make sure to still chew your food... I always tell people be like a train and CHEW CHEW!!! Let thy Food AND laughter be thy medicine.
Ok, hear's some jokes from our Resident Doctor, PATCH Adams:
Ok, hear's some jokes from our Resident Doctor, PATCH Adams:
